Chapter 3

It’s better to be angry at him because rage stops my weakness from believing his sweet little words and love confession. It prevents me from being a dumb hopeful and falling for his bullshit all over again. It stops me from hoping that I can ever mean something to anyone and being stupid enough to get sucked in.

“I can explain…” He starts, but I don’t let him finish. That inner psycho is gaining strength. So not doing this shit with him again.

“EXPLAIN!! EXPLAIN WHAT?? That you are a twisted sadist who screwed me over in every way he could and now tries to pull this shit on me? I’m supposed to believe you now because you decided to stop playing with my emotions. Am I supposed to swoon at your feet and forget it all because… Oh, my Lord… the sadistic prick actually loves me?” I spit it at him, tears clouding my vision from the sheer force of everything coming out. Voicebreaking, but I don’t care. He has me stripped naked and raw in all my painful glory, and now he can suffer the consequences of that.

It’s nothing but a game. I repeat this to myself like a mantra, trying to block out how his soulless eyes devour me.

“It wasn’t like that. It was… complicated.” Alexi looks around him uncomfortably, uneasy at his lack of control of the outcomes, but I don’t care. I want him to feel awkward and uneasy. He has no clue what it’s like not to be the man moving the chess pieces. The one in control. It’s nothing compared to how he made me feel for months.

I want him to feel overwhelmed and out of his depth. If I could wound him the way he has injured me in the past, I would, but I know I don’t have it in me. I’m not the girl I used to be. He changed that. I can’t be the cold bitch I once was, even if he deserves it.

“You’re a prick. A fucking arsehole of epic proportions. A sadistic wanker who deserves me to kick him in the balls and then some!” I yell at him, stabbing at the lift button with my heel in my hand to get away from this and him. I know it’s pointless, he still has his hands holding the doors open wide, so I can’t go anywhere, which angers me even more. Keeping me here against my will. Erupting at him with sheer frustration.

“Let them go!” I snap at him, swinging my shoe at one of his hands to dislodge him, but he stands his ground and penetrates me with those pale greys as though trying to climb inside my head. His demeanour returns to calm, cool, and deadpan as he thwarts my escape. Alexi is steeling himself and closing down, I guess he knows a fight is coming, and maybe I prefer that to this other version of him.

There are wet rivers on my cheeks from tears that have again started falling, and I suddenly feel downright pathetic. That he so easily destroys me, even when I’m fighting him tooth and nail. He killed Camilla Walters and turned her into an emotional wreck with no ability to hold her shit together anymore.

“I’m not letting you walk out of my life again.” He grits his teeth, pushing out his words more sinisterly than is appropriate for love confessions, and I glare at him. Seeing only the monster in his midst. Knowing that even with sweet words in his mouth, he has the ability to wreak havoc on my world.

“I’m not your prisoner, and I am not listening to this emotional bullshit. I know what you are doing, and it won’t work this time. I won’t let you fuck me up any more than you have done, and I won’t stick around to become your plaything once again. If you think this will shackle me to your bed, you are sooo wrong. SO FUCKING WRONG!” I swing again, and this time, Alexi dodges my shoe by lifting his hand and holding the door higher, so it won’t slide even an inch.

It triggers my psychotic side.

“This isn’t like that. I’m being honest. Nothing else. I’m not trying to hurt you or play games with you. I want you here because you want to be, not because I can keep you here.” Alexi dodges another jab at his hand, one more carefully and venomously aimed for maximum stabbing. He finally lets go of the one door completely, still wedging them open. His large body is against one side so that they won’t close. My efforts are so futile it’s fuelling my fire.

“Well then, let them fucking go because I want to leave. I don’t want anything to do with you ever again.” I screech at him and this time, hurl my shoe impulsively at his head in complete desperation. He ducks fast, like a bloody panther with those demonic reflexes of his, so it flies over the top of him. Before snapping back to me, he spins his head to see where it went. Furious frowns across that usually pretty face, coming back to throw shade at me.

“Really?” It’s a sarcastic, disapproving wanker tone of his I hate, and I forget everything else and aim better this time. I have another shoe, and that face deserves a heel embedded in the centre of it.

Won’t be so fucking pretty if he is sporting a stiletto nose job, will he?

All sense and maturity die a sudden death. The second shoe flies at his face, and he has to be lightning-fast to get out of the way, finally releasing the doors when trying to save himself from my missile to his head.

“Yes, really!” I yell after him, throwing my bag too, aiming for the back of his skull with a kill shot for good measure, as the idiot is too good at dodging my throws. Now he has me furious, and logic is winging past his face with my handbag. I want to hurt the tosser physically.

I’m so enraged that he thinks he can do this whenever he wants without consequence. As though he owns my heart, body and soul, and I am nothing more than a pawn in Alexi’s game of chess. I hate that he thinks he has a right to pull me around this way and doesn’t give a shit what it does to me.

“For fuck’s sake, Cam!” Alexi bolts to the side as my bag flies beautifully past his left cheek, almost grazing him, but sadly not. I sigh loudly at how annoyed that makes me, smug though that he has had to pull back, and the doors begin to slide shut while he gets out of harm’s way. Finally, set loose, and the lift can get me the fuck out of here.

They are closing too fast for him to get back to them in time, and as I watch the space condense to an almost impenetrable wall of steel, I suddenly realise I threw my much-needed attire into his fucking apartment like an idiot. A fleeing girl would need shoes and bags containing money, bank cards, ID, a passport, and anything else to start a new life.

I can hardly run around New York in nothing but a sheer dress, and I don’t even have any underwear on.

Jesus fucking Christ!