Chapter 62

That same sense of impending doom and choking, paralyzing terror grips me again, and I can barely breathe. This is how it’s felt from day one, as things go around in my head. This is why I won’t stop and face the fact that there is a baby inside of my womb. I can’t let a baby have me as a mother. I can’t destroy an innocent little human that way. Arrick would dismiss this and tell me I am overreacting, but this is how I feel. This is what I believe about myself.

Arry is not on the same page as me. He’s all happy families and planning what pram to buy while I am treading water to stay afloat. We don’t talk because it goes one way, exactly like this morning. It’s too raw, too upsetting, and too depressing. He would think me insane if I voiced any of this.

I pace around and shake my hands very weirdly, but it’s calming me, helping me self-soothe and catch my breath. I need to stop thinking and let it go. Go to bed and sleep because I’m shattered and haven’t slept much in da