Chapter 38

I stand in the apartment, completely disorientated, as he makes us drinks. Silent and calm, like we’re here to have our usual chat and arguments, I am completely on edge and cannot relax. He seems normal, unfazed, and unaffected, and he hasn’t made any moves to touch me since we got in the lift. It’s weird and unnerving, and I shouldn’t be like this.

I’m not a virgin or an amateur. Sex is part of what I do or am used to. I taught myself how to overcome all the shit that surrounded it emotionally and learned the art of making it feel good instead. Finding the pleasure in it and getting off instead of my past trauma. I separated the memories and the act and used sex as a tool to get ahead in life. It got me here to America for a fresh start, and I have never looked back.

I like sex, crave it, and have often had it on my terms. I have no reason to feel sick with nerves at the thought of sleeping with him, I have slept with hundreds of men in my lifetime, and this won’t be a