What Adult Authors Don’t Tell You About Writing Erotica (But Should)

Steamy scenes are easy to write badly, but how to do them right? Let’s get one thing straight: writing erotica doesn’t mean writing about bodies twingling and panting dialogue. At its best, erotica is emotional storytelling wrapped in pleasure. But if you’ve ever felt secondhand embarrassment reading a cringe scene, or worse, tried to write one yourself, you know how easy it is to mess this genre up. So here it is: the stuff nobody tells you about writing ‘good’ erotica.

1. Make the Moment Matter

Anyone can write “his hands roamed her body.” But if your readers don’t care about your characters, they won’t care about what those hands are doing.

Desire alone isn’t enough. There needs to be weight behind the closeness; why this moment matters, and why it had to happen between these two people.

Build emotional stakes before the clothes come off. Ask yourself and show your readers: What does this moment mean for them? Is it about trust? Revenge? Longing? Validation? A last chance, or maybe a first real one?

Make the moment matter. When your readers feel the emotion, the scene stops being just physical and becomes impactful.

2. Slow Burn Is the Key

Pacing is everything. Let things unfold naturally; it makes the payoff worth it. The tension before the kiss, the lingering glances, the hesitation before one character reaches out; these are the moments that create a real connection between the readers and the characters.

Let the anticipation simmer. Let your readers feel that ache of wanting; of almost, of maybe, of finally.

Think of it like this: You’re not writing porn. You’re writing pleasure with purpose. The emotional undercurrent should be just as charged as the physical one.

Every scene should have rhythm: Tease. Pause. Deliver.

Give space for tension to rise, then a breath, then the release. Just like in real life, too much too soon can flatten the impact. But when you get the pacing right, every small touch feels monumental.

And remember, you’re writing and building a story, not just filling space.

3. Consent Isn’t Optional…It’s Hot

Gone are the days when vague nods or silence were enough. Today’s readers want, and deserve, to see mutual desire. Consent is about showing want. And when done right, it can be just as steamy as the physical act itself.

Forget the half-hearted murmurs or the tired “she didn’t say no” trope. Instead, give us characters who communicate. Who ask. Who listen. Who say yes, not out of obligation or assumption, but out of genuine want.

Let your characters crave each other, and make it obvious.

Have them speak it, show it, own it. Consent can be playful. Dominant. Nervous. Bold. Awkward. Hot. It can build tension or break it. But most importantly, it brings the reader fully into the moment without discomfort or doubt.

Use communication as foreplay. It doesn’t have to be clinical. Every word can deepen the connection and dial up the tension.

Because when both characters want it, and the reader knows it, the scene becomes just right.

4. If It’s Cringe to Write, It’s Cringe to Read

Let’s be real: if you're wincing as you type, there's a good chance your reader's doing the same when they hit that line.

Writing steamy scenes means walking a tightrope; too clinical and it feels cold, too flowery and it becomes parody. If you’re using overly anatomical language that sounds like a biology textbook or pulling out euphemisms that belong in a bad romance meme, pause.

Step back and ask yourself: Would these characters say or think that? Does this sound like me, or like I copied it from somewhere awkward?

Tone matters. A sudden shift into over-the-top language or mood-breaking awkwardness can feel like the story just changed genres mid-scene. Erotica demands rhythm, consistency, and confidence. One badly chosen word can take readers out of the moment faster than clothes hitting the floor.

If the line doesn’t feel connected to the voice of your character or your style as an author, cut it. Go for language that feels natural. You want your reader to be pulled in, not pulled out with secondhand embarrassment.

And hey, if you’re laughing at your writing instead of feeling it? That’s your cue to rework, not retreat. Cringe is your red flag. Trust it.

5. Keep Your Characters…Well, In Character

It might sound obvious, but it’s a trap many writers fall into: sacrificing your character’s personality just to crank up the heat. Suddenly, the brooding, emotionally shut-off loner is whispering sweet nothings like a seasoned romantic, or the fiercely independent lead is melting into submission without any build-up. It feels off because it is off.

Desire should deepen a character, not erase it. Think about who they are outside the bedroom, and bring that into the scene. The confident alpha might stumble when real feelings enter the mix. The bubbly sunshine girl might be bold and assertive behind closed doors. Sexuality can reveal new layers of a person, but it should always grow from who they are, not contradict it.

Every touch, every line of dialogue, every moment of vulnerability should reflect their journey. Is this the first time they’re letting someone in? Are they afraid? Angry? Desperate for comfort? All of that matters, and it’s hotter because it’s honest to the story and the characters themselves.

If someone has been emotionally guarded for 10 chapters, don’t throw them into a perfect, passionate kiss out of nowhere. Make it clumsy. Hesitant. Maybe they pause, unsure if they’re allowed to want this. Let the scene show that their walls are cracking, not just tell it.

This is what I tell every aspiring writer: Not just write the scene, earn it.

6. Strip More Than Clothes

It’s easy to focus on the heavy breathing, the skin-on-skin, the build-up and release. And sure, that’s part of the draw. But if that’s all there is, your scene risks feeling hollow.

Erotica that resonates often has a thread of vulnerability. What makes erotica truly erotica isn’t just what turns your characters on; it’s what they’re risking, revealing, or surrendering in the process. Real erotica is often tangled up with fear, shame, longing, or guilt.

Sometimes the sexiest moment isn’t the kiss, but the silence before it, when one character is terrified they’ll be turned away. Or the shaky breath someone takes when they finally let go of control. Or the moment a tough, guarded character whispers, “I want this, but I’m scared.”

That’s where the intimacy is.

Let your characters be messy. Let their wants and needs collide. Because when a character gives up more than just their clothes, when they give up their pride, their mask, their walls, that’s the climax that stays with your readers.

And that kind of vulnerability? That’s what will keep the readers turning pages.

7. The Afterglow Is Just as Important

You might wonder: What happens after the deed tells you everything about your characters?

The moment after the adrenaline fades, the breathing slows, the clothes are half-on or forgotten entirely, that’s when the real story begins.

Because what happens after the act is a mirror. It reveals who your characters are, what they feel, and how much they’re willing to show. And sometimes, those quiet, raw moments speak louder than anything that came before.

Do they pull away and turn their back? That could be fear, shame, or a lifetime of not knowing how to be vulnerable.

Do they make a joke? Maybe they’re hiding how deeply it shook them.

Do they say nothing at all, lost in their thoughts, unsure what to do next? That silence might be filled with longing, regret, or emotional overload.

Don’t skip this part. Don’t fade to black the second the climax hits. Because aftercare, whether physical, emotional, or even awkward silence, tells your reader that this moment meant something.

These are intimate beats. They deepen the story, round out your characters, and leave an emotional echo that lingers past the scene's final line.

Sex might spice things up, but what follows proves whether it was just spice or something more.

8. Use All Five Senses

You can describe the dirtiest, wildest scene ever written, but if it’s not anchored in all five senses, it’ll vanish from the readers’ memory.

Writing intimacy is more than what the characters are doing. It's about what the reader is experiencing alongside them. And the quickest way to pull your reader into a scene is to engage every one of their senses.

Sure, you’ll describe what the characters see: the way the candlelight dances on skin, the look in their eyes, the slow unbuttoning of a shirt.

But what about what they hear? The hitch in their breath. The quiet rustle of sheets. The tremble in a whispered name.

What do they smell? Is it the lingering scent of cologne on a collar or the clean sharpness of rain on skin? Or maybe the vanilla warmth of a shared blanket?

What do they feel, physically and emotionally? Goosebumps at a single touch. The contrast of cold air against hot skin. A heart racing not just from lust, but from something else too; maybe fear, excitement, or surrender.

And taste… yes, that too. The tang of wine on their lips. The salt of skin. The bitter bite of regret or the sweet breath of anticipation. Taste can evoke memory, desire, and a sense of closeness that transcends the moment.

Sensory detail is where erotica becomes art.

It makes the scene come alive in your reader’s imagination, not just as something to read, but something to feel. And when you combine physical sensation with emotional stakes? That makes the perfect erotica.

9. Variety Is Vital

One of the writers’ biggest mistakes when crafting intimate scenes, especially in serial or romance-heavy genres, is falling into a formula: kiss, undress, bed, fade to black, repeat.

It works once. Maybe even twice. But by the third or fourth time, it starts to feel predictable, and predictability kills tension.

Erotica, like any part of a story, needs rhythm and variety.

If every scene looks the same, your readers won’t feel anticipation; they’ll feel like they’re re-reading a slightly different version of the last chapter. And nothing makes a steamy story go cold faster than repetition.

So switch it up and ask yourself: Can the setting do something new? How about the emotional context? What about power dynamics?

Not every scene needs to be high-heat or deeply emotional. Some can be playful, awkward, tense, comforting, desperate, healing, or even humorous. Let the moment reflect where your characters are in their story. If they’ve just been through a loss, maybe they’re searching for comfort. If they’ve finally admitted their feelings, maybe the scene is gentle and trembling with new trust.

The goal is to show how every act of intimacy reveals something different about the characters and their evolving relationship. When you change the emotional or situational context, you deepen the connection and keep readers hooked, not just on the chemistry, but on the story behind it.

10. If It Turns You On or Moves You Emotionally, That’s the Scene

Here’s the truth most seasoned authors won’t tell you: your body and emotions are your best editors.

If your heart starts racing while you write a scene, if your breath catches, your stomach flips, or you feel a lump in your throat, don’t ignore that. That means you’ve hit something real.

Erotica is about writing what’s visceral; what taps into you as a human being, not just as a writer. If a scene gives you goosebumps or makes you feel breathless, raw, seen, or even a little scared to put it out there… good.

Writing from that place of instinct and emotion is what sets your story apart. It’s not about mimicking what’s popular or writing what you think you “should.” It’s about feeling your way through the scene. Trust that emotional pull. Your readers will feel it too, because genuine emotion always translates.

Keep it. Polish it. Let it stay a little messy. Because if it moved you, chances are, it’ll move someone else too. And in a genre full of noise, that’s what people remember.

And if you’re finally able to write it, congratulations. That’s not just a scene. That’s ‘THE’ scene.

Did we learn anything?

Give your scenes heart. Give them a buildup. Let your characters collide. Because when sensuality meets vulnerability? That's when you write something readers love.

So, dear writers, don’t just write spice. Write soul. Follow these steps and make your readers fall in love with your story. Your words can burn slow, hit hard, and heal softly; all at once.

You’ve got this. Now write the story only you can tell.

From one writer to another.