Chapter 4. Leaving

Proserpina

It was as though time sped up after that. I remember hazily saying my goodbyes to the kind nuns who had taken me in when I was broken and forlorn. I knelt before the Mother Superior and she gently laid her hands on my head in a traditional gesture of bestowing blessings and asked, after a short silence,

"Is this what you want, child?"

I had grown very fond of the old woman who ran the nunnery like a tight ship, but who was equally compassionate and intelligent.

I smiled through my tear-filled eyes and bowed my head to avoid showing her my distress, I nodded, whispering, "He is the father of my children, Mother."

Her all-seeing eyes glimmered but she remained silent after blessing me and I rose and left the room, my steps heavy, heart filled with foreboding.

Lucien Delano stood waiting impatiently beside a large dark limousine, his men beside him, and he gave a curt nod in the direction of the Mother Superior who had made the unexpected gesture of seeing us off. My old friend, Brian Gaulle, came to wish me well too. Holding my hands for longer than was necessary, he said in a soft voice,

“Proserpina, I am always there for you.’

I had told Brian that the father of my twins had come to take me back to our home in the US. Everyone knew that I had fled from him but no one knew Lucien Delano’s background for I had not gone into the details.

Aware that I had broken the heart of a truly good man, I nodded, choking back my tears.

How strange life was! I had been on the verge of accepting Brian’s proposal of marriage and settling down with him. But my lover, the Mafia Don had stormed back into my life and he held all the cards now. For he was too powerful to be ignored.

With a dull ache in my heart, I recognized the bitter truth.

He would take away my children.

And that threat had me on my knees as he was well aware.

Little Piers began to bawl for he was sleepy whereas Ria, who was in the arms of one of the younger nuns, was looking about confused and alert.

‘Come on woman, we need to leave!’ Lucien barked and I scampered across. He gripped my nape and very deliberately, kissed me hard.

’So that your boyfriend knows whom you belong to,’ he snarled as he raised his silver head, observing my swollen mouth with devilish satisfaction. I met his eyes, my own filling with tears. But I would not cry, I thought in determination as I sank down on the soft plush seat, my children in my arms.

Almost in the blink of an eye, we were on our way. The beautiful little monastery that had been my refuge for over a year seemed to grow smaller in size as the vehicle drew away swiftly in the gathering gloom. I had my hands full with the twins who were restless but luckily, they fell asleep as we sped to the airport.

Twisting slightly in the seat, I turned to look at the tiny building that had been my refuge, my happy place for a year and more. Would I ever be able to return, I asked myself, biting my lip to stifle the sob that threatened to burst.

The twilight seemed to swallow the tiny building perched on the hillside as we rounded the corner and headed onto the highway. I met Lucien's cold eyes as he sat a little away from me in the spacious SUV. Blinking away my tears, I turned to look out at the beautiful landscape we were passing as the large vehicle ate up the miles.

I was more than aware of the brooding man who sat a little away from us, watching us, giving terse orders in his clipped tones as we drove to the airport, his eyes devouring me. Lucien Delano had grown older, but he was as attractive as ever in his inimitable manner, commanding and aggressive, making me want to melt in his arms. But I studiously ignored him, and he kept drinking steadily.

In a few hours, we were on a chartered plane, winging our way to the west.

It was a long journey and not an entirely pleasant one for I was as tense as a tight string on the violin and Lucien, though he never uttered a word, did not look away from us either. His eyes bored into me and I felt terrified, for the look he gave me held a threat of menace, of retribution…

The luxurious interiors of the plane barely registered with me; while Ria looked around herself, goggle-eyed, Piers studied his father gravely and then, putting out his tiny hand, gave Lucien a wide toothless smile. Cuddling him close to me, I bend my head, hiding my face in his baby blonde head, as I patted little Ria's hand where it rested on my arm. As always, fiercely independent, she had insisted on sitting on a separate seat, albeit beside me.

I didn't dare look at Lucien although he sat across us, his long legs stretched before him, nursing a drink. I could feel his eyes on us, brooding. He had shown no interest whatsoever in the babies and that hurt me more than I could fathom.

The young attendant came over and offered me a drink but before I could refuse, Lucien drawled, '

“She doesn't drink. She's a bloody saint".

The startled girl bustled away as I flushed in embarrassment. He still remembered that I was a teetotaller.

Having stayed in the monastery all the while, the unfamiliar surroundings and faces, the humming of the aircraft, everything was bothering my twins. Soon Ria began to whimper restlessly; she was fretful and hungry.

I looked around. I didn't want to feed the twins with Lucien watching, I just didn't.

"What does it want?" he demanded.

IT? How dare he refer to my daughter, His daughter, as ‘it’? I thought, furiously.

"SHE is hungry." I snapped.

"So feed her," he replied silkily, the hooded eyes never leaving my face.

"I won't, not in front of you," I said stubbornly, glaring at him.

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I regretted them; talk of holding a red flag to a bull.

He gulped down his whiskey and stood up, moving to sit beside me in one fluid movement. I moved back in alarm.

"Do it" he ordered, thickly. And then, moving closer, his voice revealing a hunger that made me tremble, he commanded softly,

"I want to watch. I want to see the brats suckling at your teats.’"

A sudden stirring in my womanhood, like the embers of a latent fire being re-kindled at the sound of his harsh order. I dipped my hot face, determined not to obey him. But my children made the decision for me.

Ria shifted in my arms, screwing up her face to demand her hunger be appeased and Lucien leaned into me.

"F*cking feed them. NOW. '

He repeated the order forcefully and I could see a strange expression on his face. Preparing to join his sister in crying, Piers began stirring, and I realized that I could not put it off.

Pushing my long, untidy braid off my shoulder, I dipped my head to hide my flushed cheeks. Opening my jacket, I unbuttoned my shirt, hotly aware of Lucien's quickened breathing as he stared at my unbound, heavy breasts. I brought my daughter's seeking mouth to my nipple and then shifted Piers so that he could suck from the other teat. Wincing slightly as the small sharp gums tugged at my nipples I settled into a comfortable position and turned my face away, shutting my eyes, willing myself to ignore Lucien.

Not so easy, though. He lowered his head to my neck, nuzzling me, his teeth nipping greedily at the sensitive spot on my throat and I moaned softly in response, throwing my head back, sinking lower into the seat to allow him more access to my nape. The blood was pounding through my veins as I whispered his name softly, unable to help myself. His drink-fuelled breath surrounded me as he murmured, urgently,

"I want you, little girl. I f*cking want you under me. Now.'

His free hand slipped between my legs and I instinctively arched towards him. Confused by the responses of my body, I turned, breathless with need, and met his quizzical gaze. My helpless look and my expression must have spoken for me as he growled, a look of dark desire on his face,

"You want it too, don't you?" he rasped.

Before I could answer, he leaned forward and gripped my nape, he kissed me hard, forcing my lips to part as he invaded my mouth, his tongue probing with confidence. Then the tempo altered and he became, gentler, exploring my mouth slowly even as I nursed our children, helpless before this man. He had never kissed me with such tenderness ever before. When he raised his head, I opened my eyes in wonder. The expression on my face seemed to annoy him and he abruptly got up, lurching slightly as he threw the words over his shoulder.

"I won't disturb you. You can f*cking feed those brats without any hindrance.’

He lurched and moved towards the back of the aircraft while I was left, staring after him in bewilderment, and somehow, humiliated by his change of mood from arduous lover to cool 'the man in charge’ mode. Aware of the wetness pooling between my thighs after so very long, I asked myself bitterly how he could do it so effortlessly...