Chapter 198

The cab drops me two blocks away because I asked it to, which is a habit I have apparently developed, arriving places on foot from a distance so I can think myself into whatever comes next.

What comes next is knocking on a stranger’s door and introducing myself as the daughter of the man she believes destroyed her life. I have thought through several versions of how this conversation might begin, and none of them are comfortable, but I keep arriving at the same conclusion, which is that Emilia Arden has been carrying a version of this story for twenty-two years and I need to hear it from her before I decide what I think about any of it.

What I have not fully thought through is what happens if Eli is home.

That possibility stops me halfway down the block, and I stand on the pavement with my school bag on one shoulder and consider it properly.

If he answers the door, I don’t know what my heart will do.

I have spent the past week trying to scrub the exi