Chapter 12

He doesn’t just have the bare facts and minor plot to my existence; he has every thought, feeling, and gritty detail. He has the evil things I thought of doing to Rick in his sleep, and the times I plotted to make my mother fall asleep for good so I could be free. He has moments of weakness where I thought about picking up one of her needles and blocking life out the way she did. The times I talked myself off the ledge of becoming another wasted soul, fucking her life away.

He has it all. He has the darkest stupid fantasies of a little girl praying for a brave hero on a big fierce dragon to come and burn down the world to save her from her prison. It’s like having a massive microscope and blazing light shining on your deepest darkest depths and exposing them to the world.

It doesn’t feel good at all.

“Why would you think I would look at you in any other way than with complete infatuation? You are stronger than I ever gave you credit for. You survived; you kept goin