Chapter 40

I know it’s because of where we are in our relationship, how we have become with each other. Stale, bored, playing out a routine, and I know it’s partly my fault. I stopped trying and got settled into what we were, and I don’t give her enough value, appreciate what she means to me. Two years she has been by my side, and in all that time we have never fought, never broken up or went to bed angry. It’s a calm, safe, stable sort of relationship that has dulled and become numbing, and I think that’s why I am all over the place. Lord knows I need calm with a head like mine.

She has these ideas about what we should be, how we should behave, and her eyes always on the goal of that big wedding, nice house, and kids. She wants Mr. Mature, Mr. Reliable and steady, who will provide and care, while she gets to be my domestic goddess and child rearer. I don’t have issue with those being her goals in life, but I do find it a little disappointing. I thought she had ambition when I met her, i