Chapter 5

Looking back at the table and going back to stirring my bowl, forgetting all mention of leaving now, I feel calmer and more assured he will stay on his side of the room.

“I’m not that old. You have to be what? Sixteen? I mean, you look around that age, maybe seventeen. I’m not asking for a date. I mean to hang with people you might make friends with, you know, with being new here.” He is back to watching me, and I feel the eyes burning into my face, shocked that he miscalculated my age by so much. I always thought I looked like a baby-faced child with a boyish body.

“I’m fourteen, and I don’t need more friends. I met some kids at school that are okay. I prefer to do things by myself.” I stare at what I’m doing and sigh heavily, trying to zone him out and not give him more attention than necessary. Irritated, and I don’t even know why. I realize that my panic attack is gone. It’s fizzled out, and so has the fear; instead, there’s an unease that’s not even that overwhelmin