Chapter 2. Five Bad Things

 Christ! What kind of mother leaves her only daughter alone with no inheritance? She was never a good mother, never spoiled me with the things I deserved, she never did anything for me, but still, a tiny part of me was always convinced she loved me but didn't know how to show it, but this...this has made me certain that she never loved me.

 "Do I have a college fund?" How would I continue schooling if I can't pay my fees? I take her silence to mean no. "What about the house, is it going to be given to charity too?"

 "The house was your father's" I am dumbfounded. Mama never spoke about my father, and she got irritated when I asked so I stopped asking. "He bought the house in your name."

 "She would have taken it away too if she could." I let another tear fall; I am comforted by the fact that I still have a roof over my head. 

 "Do not think poorly of your mother, she loved too much, that was her only flaw. You of all people should understand her, she was created by God to care for others".

 "What about me?" I sob, more tears falling down my face. "Who was created to love me?" I didn't realise I had been shouting until Mrs Agatha touched my shoulder. I ignore her and continue to cry. "I have always been alone, I am not disputing that fact, but now, I feel abandoned, I feel hated by my mother. I despise the young girl in me who was comforted by the fact that she was loved."

 "All Mary knew was love my dear" Mrs. Agatha says annoyed. if she is annoyed then I am infuriated. "Do not speak ill of a woman who is now seated at the feet of the lord."

 This woman is delusional, this town is occupied by mad people. "I assure you, Agatha, Mama is not in heaven, but surely she has been seated at the feet of the devil himself," I emphasize her name, so she doesn't miss the fact that I purposely choose to insult her.

 Everybody gasps, I hear whispers of the bible, prayers for my soul, and shouts of the lord's name-calling on him to save my demonic soul from damnation. Grace looks shocked too, but it doesn't beat the look of disgust on Agatha's face. Twice in one day, she has been embarrassed, I wish Mama was here to see me like this. She would have died of a heart attack instead, she deserved that rather than the peaceful one she got.

 "Aella, I understand how you feel" I push her hands away when she touches me, Mrs. Agatha wisely keeps quiet and returns to her seat.

 "My father...tell me about him" Grace frowns, she seems to be doing that a lot today.

 "He was not a good man, they were happier apart" She twists her perfect hair and sighs "I am in no position to talk about Mike, he left you. Don't concern yourself with a man like that." Mike? It is not much, but it's more than I have ever gotten from Mama.

 I turn to look at the bunch of condemnatory, hypercritical people occupying my house...yes, my house, my own space. my throat tightens, and my heart fills with more hatred for them, for this town, how can no one see what Mama has done wrong, how can they not see how wrong it is to leave your only daughter with no inheritance?

 "All of you, get out" When they all continued to sigh, talk and drink Mama's expensive wines, I automatically assumed I wasn't loud enough. I take a deep breath, my jaw clenched, my hands fisted, and I speak again "All of you, get out now!" 

 Faces turn towards me, mouths open, and curses fly. I don't care, I can send them away because it's my house. "The party is over; the movie is completed. you do not have to act anymore she is dead now." I wish Mama was alive to see these people she chose over her family, they never liked her, I have heard whispers of how they thought she was foolish in catering for the town and never her family. 

 "You too, leave" I demand looking at Grace. She opens her mouth to speak but decides against it. smart choice, I still have a lot of insults to dish out.

 When nobody attempts to remove themselves, I start screaming "Out you bunch of idiots, you bunch of animals. You think you know God and his plans, no, you don't. I promise you; you all have special seats reserved with the devil himself." that must have struck a nerve because everybody stands up and hurries out, even Mrs. Agatha drags her daughters to their feet.

 "Mrs. Agatha do return the bottle of wine you stole earlier," I swear she turns red; She quickly drops the wine on the table taking a walk of shame with her crying daughters behind her.

 When the house finally becomes empty and I am all alone, I carefully pick up my glass cup and smash it against the wall, I watch it shatter into tiny pieces just like my heart, I pick up a sharp piece and slide to the floor.

 Dragging my gown to my thigh, I place the tip of the glass on my lap and cut. I cut so deep that I am almost alarmed by the amount of blood I see. I have never been a suicidal person; I don't plan on bleeding to death.

 I crawl to the half bottle of whiskey on the table, and I gulp directly from the bottle. since it's my first time drinking, it is difficult to swallow at first because it burns my throat and forces tears from my eyes. it gets better when I sip the second time. Damn, I like whiskey. I make a silent apology to all judged drunkards, coupled with the pain from my bleeding thigh and the strong alcohol, I feel so much better.

 Mama always attributed everything in life to the word 'Grace'. since God is kind enough to be gracious, we are all going to face five major difficulties in life. and as such, 'bad things come in five' for Mama her difficulties started with meeting my dad.

having five children 

having me as a daughter

losing her four boys.

 I never got to know the last one as Mama is now dead. My own five bad things began when I lost my brothers.

Being Mama's daughter: number two. 

 I am doomed, I have no savings of my own, how is one supposed to survive with nothing? Mike, Grace had said my father's name was Mike. Do I go searching for Mike? I throw the bottle of whiskey I was nursing and start screaming, I stop when I can't any longer, and I immediately find comfort in the silence.