Chapter 49

Seeing Sara in that state brought back the memories I had tried so hard to bury in the deepest parts of my brain. After months of hallucinations and nightmares, I thought I was finally free. I let out a bitter laugh. Free my ass. I was so stupid to think I could escape those. They're a part of my fucking punishment for not taking care of her as well I should have. For not defending her enough. For not keeping her alive. If only we never went to the party. If only we never got drunk. If only I never slept with her that night. None of these would have happened. She would still be alive. I would be able to see her smile, to hug her, to fucking love her as I should.

Now my life is fucking shit. Everything is all just fucked up.

And it's all my fault. 

I got up, flushed and then washed my face at the sink. Rinsed my mouth with mouthwash then took a quick warm shower.

I felt better after that. I changed into a pair of black sweatpants and a plain baggy white s