Chapter 18

"I do not want."

That was the answer I gave Apollo to what he asked for in return. If only I had known that was what he would ask for, I would not have agreed to use him.

"Figures." I remember him saying that, and then he laughed. It seems that he knows that I will refuse what he wants.

I just don't want that. I never dated anyone in my life. But I know that this is not the right beginning. Just because I have feelings for him doesn't make me agree. I don't know. It just feels so wrong.

It's like I'm not giving myself respect if I agree to his exchange.

I lack love and respect in my life. I'm looking for that. That's why I do everything for other people to respect me, at least a little bit. I want to experience that. which my own mother never gave me.

And I know that if I agree with Apollo, my actions will be ignored. And I don't want that. Even though I'm desperate to feel that way,