Chapter 27

I drove for thirty minutes to get here, to this tranquil place after leaving that woman’s apartment, somewhere I don’t come all too often, yet today I felt like I needed to. I have a million conflicting emotions and thoughts that brought me here, and now I am. I’m too ashamed to stand before them. I stare at my parents’ graves, laid side by side, yet no tears come as I expected them while driving here. I’m aching for them after the day I’ve had, feeling lost and like everything is spiraling out of control, and I don’t have a grip on anything anymore.

I lay the bouquets I stopped to buy on the way here in front of them and bend to dust off the dark grey marble stones. Stopping to touch the faces in the pictures indented into the shiny surfaces hurts as much as it always did. I’ve never faced the grief and allowed myself to mourn them fully, but I don’t know how to start.

Contrary to how I behaved in front of Claire White, I know things are disintegrating, and my war with