Chapter 4. A Mind-Boggling Plea

Before I could wander further into this curiosity and confusion, he saves me the trouble. He takes my bathrobe, and helps me wrap it around my body. The contact of our skin doesn’t only affect me. I saw his Adam's apple move up and down as he swallows hard to that sensation. He even stopped for a second when our skin brushed, but he got hold of his feelings right on time, saving us from committing another sin. What is happening to us? No. Rephrase that. The best question should be, ‘why is this happening? 

Again, before I can bang my head with all these disarrays, he comes to my rescue, but this time around, he leaves bewildered as he scoops me up in his arms, carrying me bridal style downstairs. All I can do is hug his neck tight like the old times, clinging to him like I don’t want to ever let him go, and savoring his sweet alluring pheromones more than I savor oxygen. 

As he sweetly and gently parks me on the seat in the dining area where the aroma of scrambled eggs and rosemary tea is inviting from afar, I can’t help but wonder what this re-encounter is all about. Why after so long he has popped like a bumble into my life when I have no one? “Welcome.” He says as he hands me a cup of the aromatic tea. 

“Thank you, Liam.” I say honestly, because I appreciate him going through the effort to do this. My belly is more enthusiastic than I am since it can't stop rumbling. And I see him smirk every time it makes that annoying noise. “What?” I ask when he smirks again for the ...nth time. I swear he even forgot to eat just to watch me and listen to my rumbling stomach. 

And now he produces that charming smirk that always leaves me smiling back at it like an idiot. And it's making my face heat up like before. 

“Don’t neglect yourself like that again. Please.” He says, more of pleading. 

“And you should never cloak that smile again.” I brat out. 

Huh? Are we now back to our old selves? Talking about anything and everything? I meet his eyes. 

“I mean, this is how I know you. The ever-smiling Liam.” I add. 

“Copy that.” He says, sipping his tea while I pour myself another one. 

I was about to succumb to death from starving. Gosh! 

“So, how are you?” He adds, and that for a moment takes away the appetite I was developing. 

How am I? I am a complete package of problems, mess, and immense pain. I am everything that no one would want to be right now. Alone. Sinking in debts. Lost. Hopeless. My name should no longer be Lynda but Pain. I am all that pain depicts. 

"It's been a roller-coaster, to say the least. Life has thrown so many spontaneous curveballs my way." I reply with all sincerity. 

"I heard about your loss. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you've been going through." Liam says in an apologetic tone, resting his arms across the table. 

"Thank you. It's been a devastating journey, but, I will be fine. I guess.” I retort with uncertainty.

Actually, it's more of a lie because, heck! How can I get out of all this - the losses? The sorrows? The pains? How will I recoup? And the debts? How on earth will I repay them? I don’t even have a job as it is. I resigned from my former job to take care of my mother and looked for part-time jobs. Gosh! 

"I want you to know that I've always wanted the best for you, Lynn. Even after we went our separate ways. Hearing about your loss was heartbreaking for me. That’s why I couldn’t go back without seeing how you are holding up.” He says again with sincerity heavily detected in his tone. 

“Thank you. I appreciate your concern.” I say with honest appreciation. 

“So, what do you plan to do now?” He bangs me with a question that I would dodge like a catastrophe if I could. 

What am I going to do? Even I don’t know that. My mind isn't working at all, so I have no plan. Yes, I know I should have a plan because I have no one to pull me out of this impasse but myself. But I don’t. I’m in an absolute quandary. But if I could choose, I would take a break from all this. Perhaps go far away from this place that has given me nothing but pain, and try to explore new adventures as I heal, that is, if I will ever recover. But I don’t have even a single penny on me. I am Totally screwed! Doomed forever. There is no hope even just for my next minute. 

“Lynn?” Liam snaps me from my engrossed thoughts, and I realize he is caressing my hands. 

I don’t try snatching them away from him. I need this closure. I need to feel that I am not alone even just for a minute. 

“I have no idea. I am in total darkness. I am in a cage, and I have no way out.” I murmur. 

“Then, let me help you, Lynn.” His words echo with a sense of hope and confusion. 

“How?” I whimper, my gaze stern on him. 

He looks away for a minute, taking in so much oxygen that skyrockets my anxiety. Why does he seem like he is about to drop a bomb? Ooh, well. This is a bomb already. My ex helping me. This is unheard of. 

“Look, Lynn. I am fully aware that I don't have any right to ask for anything, especially after what happened between us. I am sorry. Please forgive me. A lot was at stake." He frowns. 

I get him, though. I mean, the absurdity of this arranged marriages comes with mind-boggling prices. It’s a ‘do or get screwed for good’ sort of insanity! He couldn’t let his family’s empire and legacy go down. He had no choice. We had no chance at all. Love had to bow to responsibilities and duties. We had to let each other go. 

“You explained yourself well back then, Liam. And from the start, you were so honest with me. You did what you had to. We are good. And at least, you aren't as miserable as I am.” I say. 

“What if I am not? What if I am suffering too?” He asks, boring his bottomless orbs into mine as if pleading with me to see what’s hidden in their deep astuteness. 

I delve into them easily like before, and I see some dark shades in them that I can not quite decipher. They possess this tinge of vulnerability that sucks out my curiosity and concerns. Why? Isn’t he happy? “Why Liam? Are you…” 

“You are not the only one going through shit, Lynn. Mine is a long story, so, can we help each other?” He pleads, soothing me with his thumbs, coercing me not to refuse him. 

And when have I ever refused him? Never. Especially not when he seems like he is in dire need of my help. Anything for the only man I have ever loved. Maybe he is my guardian angel in this nightmare. The question is, in my predicaments, how can I help someone when I can not even help myself? And especially him - how can a lonely empty soul like me help him? 

“I like your suggestion, but it sounds like sweet mockery to me, Liam. What kind of help can you possibly get from me right now? I am nothing. I have nothing at all.” I spit the bitter truth out, and I feel his grip on my arms tighten, sending spark-like tickles all over me. 

“You are not nothing, Lynn. Believe me. You are the only one who can help me right now.” He affirms, staring deep into my eyes to substantiate his unbelievable point. 

“H...o…w?” I whimper, banking all of the notoriety on him. 

“I will give you anything you want, and in return, be my SURROGATE!” 

A loud bang of lull and blankness echoes in my head as I battle to swallow the nothingness suffocating me. Everything stands still, and a screeching lull engulfs the surroundings, his words hanging like cloud in my head. In my endeavors to try and rationalize what I think I heard, which I am presuming was a dysfunction of my ears, he utters again in a murmured plea that is too earsplitting, almost deafening me. 

“Bear me a child, Lynn, and I swear I will provide you with everything you will ever need, and I will forever be indebted to you my entire life!” 

A moment of dreadful screaming silence! Silence echoes more louder, but his words subdue every other sound. Shock strikes in im a centrifugal force, pulling me into a state of dumbfoundedness. My heart is at a standstill, and so is my mouth which hangs agape. I am in utter befuddlement! 

“Su-rr-oga-te? A child?” I think out loud as I compel some bravery to curb this paralyzing stupor, as I feel my hands sudor in his strong grip. 

“Please? I know it's too much of a favor to ask. I know it’s so selfish of me to ask you such a favor. But please, for the love you once had for me, don’t say no. My life hangs on this! Everything hangs on this. Please, Lynn!” He pleads again. 

And I plunge my head, shutting my eyes tight to prevent a tear from falling. A baby! A baby? My mind is swirling with conflicting emotions. The request has stirred up a mixed bag of hope and fear - The throbbing euphoric rapture of becoming a mother again, and the fear of the past wounds. It's a tormenting situation.