Break First, Let's Love Later

With abashed steps, she walked into the living room, already grunting before her mother started ranting. Ummah examined her from head to toe before she scoffed as she shook her head in disbelief. What sort of stubborn child does she have? Among her four daughters, Hidayah was the only one giving her a tough time. And she always questioned herself for making Hidayah her favorite child at the same time treating them with equal love.

Hidayah pretended as if no one was in the living room and started walking towards the stairs. 

“Hidayah, come back here!” Ummah instructed her.

Hidayah hesitated before she halted and slowly turned to look at Ummah.

“I called your friend, Yasmeen, and she told me you guys were done with your exams for the day at noon. Now look at the time.”

Hidayah swallowed the anger and heaved a sigh. She didn't need to be on her mother’s bad side that night. At least for the sake of Adam and the party they were going to attend tonight. 

“Something came up and I had to stay in school and tackle it.” Without waiting to hear more of her mother’s rants, she walks off to her room.

Ummah looked at her retreating back and shook her head. She believed it was a trial and she’d surely pass it.

Hidayah walked into her room, closing the door behind her. She rested her back on the door as she rustled on how to sneak out tonight. She could never afford to let her boyfriend down. Her boyfriend, she mused to herself, smiling. The thought of her boyfriend, Adam made her head over heels.

She smiled again, her smile was one of happiness growing. Much as a spring flower opens. It showed how it came from deep inside to light her eyes and spread into every part of her.

When she sees him, it’s as if space and time become the finest point imaginable, as if time collapses into one tiny speck and explodes at light speed. It’s as if her universe begins and ends with him. She could run forever, search forever, but in the end, every path leads right back to his heart and soul. She loves him, wholeheartedly. And she can’t see any human being breaking them apart. Not even her family.

With the smile still lingering on her face, she walked further into her room and dropped her bag on the bed.

After she had prayed Isha, she laid on her bed, eyes glued to the ceiling as many thoughts misled her mind. Most were about Adam and how obsessed she was with him.

Two hours later, she received the phone call she had been waiting for, almost thinking he wouldn’t call. She ended the call, the smile never left her face. Getting off her bed, she sauntered into her closet. She rummaged through, picking the perfect dress that’d fit for the party.

She laid the dress on her bed before heading to the bathroom to have a quick bubble bath. Soaking in that heated water, feeling it hug every inch of her skin so gently, breathing in the aroma of the bubble bath. It was her heaven… her mini vacation, a place she breathed deeply and let her inner peace return.

After her bath, she moved to her dressing mirror to pamper her skin, mostly her face before getting dressed. The dress sits upon her skin as soft petals; it's the pink of a rose garden. She does a little twirl, admiring the figure shown in the mirror. No doubt Hidayah was a beautiful girl and could proudly say that herself.

A call came through but she ignored it, rolling her eyes as she mused curses at the person buzzing her. She finished getting ready and rolled a head tie around her head. Another call came through but this time, she beamed. She picked up the call and spoke to the person. 

“Yes, babe, I know. I’ll be out in a minute.”

She quickly grabbed her purse and headed to the door. Peeping through the corridors, she tiptoed out of her room, gently closing the door. Steadily she began to approach the stairs. She stood by the stairs, listening. She heard the voices down stairs. Perhaps her siblings were downstairs. She listened intently. Voices were downstairs only. She quietly walked down the stairs to the kitchen.

“You’re sneaking out… again?” A mellifluous, yet irritating voice halted her from her mission. 

Hidayah turned, slowly. “Nafisa…” She lets out a nervous chuckle. 

“Where are you going by this time of the night? Have you seen the time?” Nafisa pointed at the clock glued to the kitchen wall. Hidayah looked at the time, it was past 10 pm.

“Uhh… yes, I know. But please, just do me this one favor and don’t tell Ummah I sneaked out, okay? Please just do this one favor. And I promise you, I will be safe. Please, sweet sis.” Hidayah’s hands on her sister’s shoulder as she eagerly waited to hear what she had to say. 

Nafisa hesitated before nodding her head gently. “Just don’t stay out late, okay?”

Hidayah nodded her head before she gave Nafisa a quick hug and rushes out. Nafisa stared at her elder sister till she closed the door. Heaving a sigh, the feeling came back again. That sadness she feeled whenever she looked at Hidayah. Why was she different from the three of them? Why does she have to be this way? Disobedient and a little bit rough. She felt sorry for her sister, sorry for her because she was lost in this sham world.

Praying for her sister’s safety, she saunters out of the kitchen.

Hidayah picked up her pace, praying the abrasive individual called gateman wouldn’t be there.

“Please hajiya Hidayah just go back, I am begging you, else I’ll call madam and tell her you’re sneaking out again.” He stood by the gate, firmly holding the door with no way for her to pass.

“Garba, Garba! I am warning you, stop sticking your nose in my affairs. By Allah I’ll be the reason why you lose your job if you don’t stay out of my life.” She attempted to walk out but he blocked her path, making her step back, grunting.

“Of course you’ll be the reason why I lose my job if you don’t stop sneaking out in the night when I’m supposed to stop you.”

Hidayah groaned, stomping her feet on the interlocked ground.

“Look, Garba! If you don’t get out of my sight, I will make sure you don’t eat in this house for two good weeks. Just try me and…” Her phone interrupted her from completing her sentence.

“Babe, I’m so sorry. I’ll be out in a minute. This annoying gateman is here wasting my time.”

She ended the call as the anger boiled up. She marched towards him and he had no other choice but to shift aside before she tries something crazy to him.

She hurried to Adam’s car. She hopped into the car and faced the annoyed man beside her.

“What sort of nonsense is this, Hidayah? You knew how much I hate waiting yet you chose to violate my rules. You think you’re worth wasting my time… or you can keep me waiting as if I’m one of your cheap boyfriends…”

“I’m sorry.” She cut in, smiling through the pain. She was hurt, yet she loved the man that uttered the hurtful words to her. “Can we go now?” She asked, looking at somewhere else but his face. How could she forget about this ugly side of him?

She gave to him freely from a sense of deep love, yet he assumed he had taken it from dominance. She sees their relationship as cooperation, yet he sees manipulation instead of helping words, as if they were in some bizarre live game of chess. It broke her heart to realize that he sees a cold war instead of sweet love, for it was all in his head, a paranoia. Yet, she loved him, always.

The car came to a halt, bringing her back from her reverie. She looked at him, already stepping out of the car. She did the same and followed him into the club.