Chapter 62

My own despair and grief right now, although hidden behind my mask, makes it impossible to feel guilt or anything enough to stop me doing this. Consumed with my own pain and I have no more space for Natasha’s. It doesn’t matter that Sophie is out of my reach now, that she’s moved on. None of that matters.

I can’t stay with a girl I don’t love and live in the memory of the one who got away. It’s not fair on her. I can’t give her something I don’t have to give, and I have no need for her in my life anymore. Blinkers gone now; I know keeping on holding this together is never going to work at all. I don’t have love to reinvest in her or work my way back to what I thought was happiness. It’s all a ruse, smoke and mirrors and you cannot piece back together what wasn’t there in the first place.

Sophie took my heart when she left, and I don’t want it back. It’s hers, it always will be. I gave it to her in a kitchen so many years ago, and whether she knows she possess it or not,