Chapter 30

Despair

Black. Blankness. Darkness. Those were the words that filled me as I watched Ian’s back disappear through the door. I couldn’t make myself go after him. I didn’t have the energy to convince him. I knew I couldn’t.

I was at fault. I knew that. I killed our baby all those years ago. Instead of telling Ian this, I chose to stay silent about it. I deserved all the hate I got from him.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I curled up at the edge of the bed. I couldn’t think of anything else but Ian right now. And our baby, of course.

I remembered the countless hours that I had tortured myself over it. No matter how many therapists told me it wasn’t my fault, I knew it was. I ignored the sign. I was so far gone that I didn’t even notice when I didn’t get my period.

Maybe this was fate’s way of getting back at me. For leaving Ian all those