Chapter 3. What the Hell?

"Wha...t ... the hell... a...are you talking about,' I stuttered.

Why am I stuttering? Why did he say it out loud, out of nowhere? I'm not sure what he's up to; is this a joke or a game?

Kissing? He remembered that part.

Damn.

"I know what I'm saying, what I saw, you kissed me last night. You quickly shoved me away when your girlfriend approached?' he said.

I was taken aback by the way he spoke. Is he concerned about it all, shit, he is definitely going to say that I'm a freak.

"That's ridiculous. Isn't it revolting to you? I mean, who the hell comes up to his fellow guy one morning and says, "I kissed you while I was drunk? How come it makes no sense to me?' I said this while putting my hands in the pockets of my black trouser.

Charlotte indeed came to us, glad I wasn't caught or else I would have been in hell of trouble. I had to run away from Haru, stay in a corner till the party was over before we all went home but that night I couldn't sleep, his lips kept me from sleeping and all I could think about were, his damn body.

I'm genuinely acting as if I have no idea what he's talking about. Yes, I understand what he's talking about, but admitting it to him is embarrassing. I have to remain vigilant to keep track of what he's up to; I can't trust him. I'm not sure if he's recording stuff or not, so I have to be cautious and he's into girls and not guys.

How do I get out of this mess that I've gotten myself into?

"You are correct. But don't you remember how passionately I kissed you?' He said that with a smile on his face.

How passionately he kissed me, was he drunk?

He's very attractive. *Johan, snap out of it. Always remember that he's a guy* I thought.

"I think you're insane, please excuse me.' I walked past him on my way to the door. He nudged me towards the door and kissed me on the lips. Oh, my goodness. I couldn't help myself. The kiss was fantastic. He continued to kiss me, and before I knew it, he was carrying me up and placing me at the head of the table. We kissed and moaned incessantly. When he unbuttoned my sleeve and began kissing my chest, I had no idea. Then he came to a halt and peered at me, his lips flushed.

"I had no idea you could kiss that way?' He murmured this while licking his lips.

"I was...carried away for a moment,' I confessed, blushing. What happened to me, what's the matter with me? I'm not sure how I could have let him kiss me like that. Why?

As I stepped down from the table and began walking towards the door, I pushed him away from me and began buttoning my sleeve.

"This isn't the first time you've kissed a guy, is it and you have a girlfriend?" He gave me a friendly smile, it was more like a statement than a question.

How in the world did he know that, I am fucking perplexed.

I inquired, "How did you know that?" I was supposed to deny it, not confirming his statement.

I've kissed a guy before, but I've never told anyone about it. Jack is completely unaware of it too.

This is unbelievable.

"You kissed me all the way through. It was almost as though you were starving for it,' he gushed. 'Or, to put it another way, you've been waiting for it to happen, and it appears that you're gay but want it disguised.' He expressed his thoughts.

Through a kiss, he discovered that. He is insane.

"Please don't say anything like that, I don't know what you are talking about.'

"Do you want to keep denying it or are you still not sure that you're gay?' He questioned.

I wasn't sure of myself; I'd never considered myself to be gay, to begin with.

'I'm aware that you require my services. I see it, and you have a hard boner?' He had lust in his eyes and stared at my boner.

"Haru, stop this, just leave me alone, I'm not interested,' I asserted, using my hands to demonstrate my point. I covered my groin with my other hand. I didn't realize how obvious it was going to be.

"And Johan, to answer your questions, indeed, I've always been gay all my life, you can deny it all you want, I don't give a damn about you being into dicks."' He said confidently, his arms crossed across his chest.

"You can't be serious,' I murmured, turning my back on him. It was a distraction to be staring at him right now. Why would a lady's man, like him be gay?

"I am,' he said as if he could read my thoughts. "And I know you are gay or maybe bisexual,' He shook his head sideways and continued to smile. And he just concluded, why is he telling me all this?

I was embarrassed, I've been trying so hard to hide it from anyone, even take it to my grave and a stranger finds that out without getting close to me. Even the people close to me didn't even take a hint.

"Just shut up, shut up, shut the fuck up, and don't pretend like you know who I am,' I yelled angrily. I hurried out of the chemistry lab after opening the door. I don't want to see him again, how did he know that? What a blunder! Because he attends the same high school as me, I must do everything possible to avoid him. *This isn't the first time you've kissed a guy, is it?' As I continued to run, I shook my head. Those words, he said to me, triggered memories I don't want to revisit. Not now, and not ever. I regretted what I had done, I don't want to ever remember those memories.

I dashed to the canteen, knowing that everyone would have returned to class by now. As a result, it will be empty. I needed to be alone to think. Why was he doing this to me? Tears streamed down my face. I bury my head in the table, hoping no one will notice.