Chapter 33

I covered my mouth after Randall came out. I keep my sobs from escaping because I don’t want him to hear me — hear me, that I am hurt. When I saw his back walk away from me, I didn’t know how to feel. I ask myself:

“Did I do the right thing?”

“Can I do it?”

“How is he?”

Even though my heart was stony because of what he did, I still felt like I couldn’t live without him. I want to pull him back and hug him. When my hand could no longer be restrained, I burst into tears. It’s fucking hurt. Can I just go to sleep and after I wake up and everything will be fine? Can it be just one day of pain or just one cry after that the agony of the heart will disappear? I didn’t know how I was going to get up because I had lost my baby; I had finally let go of Randall. Where do I take the first step? When I step over and fall, will he run towards me again?

In the middle of my crying, Ava suddenly entered. The way she looks was so pitiful. I just cried harder. She hugged