Chapter 4

And Krystal left just like that. I quickly skimmed through the pages, glancing at the clock on my computer's toolbar. I felt frustrated because I had only thirty minutes. Oh my God! The delayed meeting time helped, but having to fix the key points in just thirty minutes?

My eyes scanned the pages frantically, and finally, I noticed the mistake. Oh my God! Krystal was questioning my focus! No time to waste; I immediately corrected the error. It was about the budget, and I had already agreed with the finance department. It was a critical point that we would consider in the meeting later. Why did this have to be wrong? Oh my God!

When Krystal left the room, the printer hadn't even finished printing the revisions. It made me even more flustered as I scrambled to wear high heels.

"Ready, Anya?"

"Yes, ma'am."

She nodded and started walking without caring if I was ready. For her, time was money, and opportunities should never be wasted. Fortunately, she didn't leave me behind in the elevator.

"Don't lose focus, okay? How long have you been working with me?"

I chose to purse my lips.

When the elevator doors opened, our high heels tapping echoed. Some people turned and gave us fake smiles, especially toward Krystal. As usual, my boss only gave me a small smile. She wore an army green slit pencil skirt and a long-sleeved shirt that accentuated her long neck. Her hair cascaded freely. Hermes was always Krystal Blaxton's favorite brand.

Like a model, she always managed to captivate almost everyone's attention in the lobby. She was my reflection. Until yesterday, that is. Because now, I felt like I was plummeting into the void. Ah, minus zero even.

Charismatic, independent, intelligent, beautiful, elegant, polite, and kind. Krystal was just an over-perfectionist. I had always taken Krystal as my role model. Seven years working under the same flag, with the last four as her secretary. It taught me so many styles and positive auras that Krystal presented in front of a crowd, especially in business meetings.

But now? Everything feels pointless.

"Anya, seriously. Do you need to take leave next week?" Krystal asked.

I blinked slowly, trying to gather my thoughts after daydreaming.

"Did you hear what Anya just said?"

"Leave?" I mumbled.

Krystal got into her luxurious sedan with a very distinct huff. I was sure it was directed at me. As my behind landed on the plush leather seat of her car, she was still not done making me feel foolish today.

"Why won't you talk to me? What's wrong with you?" Krystal shot at me; her eyes sharp.

"Because I need your focus, Anya. Don't mess up this meeting. You understand what I mean, right?" I strengthened my resolve. "I don't have any problems, ma'am. Maybe it's because I didn't sleep enough last night."

I heard her sigh, her hands now in a relaxed position. "Next time, I won't be like this again."

*

The meeting went as Krystal wanted, leaving a pile of work for me. We returned to the office at five o'clock. Office hours officially ended, but not for me. I refused to leave any work unfinished today. Tomorrow's business could wait; today's tasks must be completed today. It wasn't too much work anyway. I should be out of the office by seven if my calculations were correct.

Krystal's back disappeared behind her office's glass door. I quickly placed the documents and my bag down, then sat back, leaning against the chair. Today had been tiring for me. Hand washing my face to feel fresh again isn't a bad idea. So, I acted on my intention, exchanging my heels for pink fluffy sandals for comfort.

Indeed, it was a good idea. I felt refreshed and ready for overtime. For a moment, I forgot about the overwhelming thoughts of what was inside my womb. When I returned to the room, Cedric was there, just stepping out of Krystal's office.

My body tensed up as if everything between Cedric and me automatically played in my mind.

"Ms Anya?" I didn't know how long I had been daydreaming. What I knew was that Cedric was now standing in front of me, looking confused. I cleared my throat briefly and chose to walk past him, ignoring his presence.

"Are you working late, ma'am?"

Usually, he often asked this question to employees who left the office late. Some would request a cup of coffee, warm tea, and snacks. "Ah, yes. Anya is working overtime."

"Do you want me to make you some tea as well?"

I didn't know how to respond.

"Ms Krystal also asked for tea. Maybe Ms Anya wants some too?" Cedric seemed to be looking down when I glanced at him. I don't know why.

"Sure."

He only nodded briefly and disappeared from my view. I had to ignore his presence completely, forget what had happened over the past two months, and pretend that what was inside me didn't exist. Or maybe I should get rid of it? It's distracting my concentration, after all.

Really.

Well, this time, I better stay late. Krystal hadn't shown any signs of leaving yet. I could still hear her voice, probably on the phone with someone.

"I've placed it here, ma'am."

Maybe because I was too focused and immersed in my work, I nodded without looking at Cedric again. Slowly, the scent of jasmine tea and salty cheese reached my nose. I glanced at the tray that Cedric had placed on the nearby table.

I hope you like it.

Cedric.

***"Anya, aren't you eating?" Naomi asked, looking puzzled. My best friend seemed to be helping Dona destroy my kitchen.

Speaking of the two of them, remember Dona, who now ruled my kitchen as if she owned it. They dropped by after work, uninvited. I didn't want to entertain any visitors, but what could I say when they were already in the lobby asking to be picked up?

"Later," I replied lazily. I preferred to sit back as I was still tired. Plus, I suddenly felt annoyed. I quickly opened my bag and took out the paper with Cedric's name. That darn guy!

I crumpled the paper and immediately threw it into the trash can near the TV. "Damn it!"

"Why are you upset?" Dona asked, approaching me with a plate of freshly fried potatoes. The hot aroma still wafted, indicating they had just been removed from the frying pan. "I'm starving. Anya didn't want to get food first. She said she was afraid you'd faint."

I rolled my eyes irritably. "Both of you are so annoying." I grabbed the fries without bothering to wash my hands. As a result, Dona lightly patted the back of my hand, giving me a disdainful look. With a hiss like a snake, she told me to wash my hands.

Seriously, I felt too tired to move. Maybe I was just too exhausted, which made me like this.

"You were cursing someone earlier," Naomi said, sitting beside me. She placed a tray with three cups of cold juice that looked refreshing. Dona still gave me a cynical look before I even thought about grabbing one.

"Anya, don't be gross! Wash your hands!"

I pouted afterwards.

"How was your day?" Between the two of them, Naomi was the one who cared most about my life. She always acted as an older sister to me and a pal to her jerk friend, Dona. Questions like this sometimes made me feel like I wasn't so alone.

"Just normal; you know how Queen Krystal is."

Naomi nodded in agreement.

"I met Cedric earlier," Dona said while munching on the tomato sauce-covered fries. She was the number one fan of tomato sauce. Since they often dropped by here, I always had enough stock of that sauce. Dona would always dip it in tomato sauce no matter what kind of food. I was amazed, a guy who likes tomato sauce.

I slowed down my juice intake.

"We work in the same office, so it's normal to meet. If suddenly you don't meet Cedric, that's what's suspicious. Unless he suddenly resigns because he was told you're pregnant, Anya."

Dona burst into laughter. "I agree with you, Nao."

"It doesn't matter if he resigns. It has nothing to do with me," I retorted. And it was true, right? What did I care? Nothing. All day, I only thought about what was in my belly. Not Cedric. He didn't even intend to tell me he was pregnant, let alone anything else. So, what fundamental reason did I have to think about him?

None.

Suddenly, a sofa cushion landed perfectly on my shoulder, almost hitting the side of my head. Oh, my goodness! Naomi!!!

"How long are you going to delay, Anya?"

I sighed as I put the cushion back in its place. "I didn't intend to tell Cedric."

Dona choked on the fries, probably because she grabbed her glass and greedily gulped its contents. "Don't be crazy! Your child needs a clear status and a clear father, Anya!"

"Dona is right. Don't be selfish," Naomi added.

"What should I hope for? Is he going to take responsibility? If he does, can he balance my life right now? Cedric is just an office boy, you know?"

"Are you crazy!" Dona half-shouted. "You haven't even talked to Cedric yet, and you're already underestimating him."

"Not like that, Don. Well, I'm just being realistic. Regarding salary, I'm different from him, right?"

Dona went silent.

"Regarding position, okay, I'm just an ordinary employee compared to Queen Krystal. But at least my position is decent. And now, my position is threatened because of the pregnancy. If I get fired, will Cedric take responsibility for him as an OB? Is that it?" I said with frustration. I didn't care how my words reverberated perfectly in my apartment.

Dona looked at me, not with an emotional gaze but with concern. Maybe she was already thinking, what about me now? The one facing it directly? Okay, this is my fault. That doesn't mean I'm no longer considering finding a way out, right?

Naomi seemed to be stressed as well. The proof was that she kept sighing, rubbing her nose. "So what are you going to do now, Anya?"

*

I didn't know what to do this morning. I woke up too early; I usually woke up at five, but this time, my eyes refused to close even though it was only four. When I sipped the warm tea, it led me straight to the toilet. I sat there silently, trying to calm down my upset stomach.

The feeling? Not good at all! Even the thick and bitter liquid felt uncomfortable in my throat. Oh God! I had no idea why this was happening! I couldn't even manage to get up and wash my face. But I couldn't stay like this, right? With whatever energy was left, I left the toilet. My goal was to reach my phone. At least, I needed to inform Naomi or Dona. Fortunately, they could stop by first, and I could catch a ride with them. There was no way I could drive in this condition. I still valued my life.

My phone's digital clock showed six in the morning. That meant I had spent almost an hour getting rid of everything inside me. No traces remained, I believed. No wonder I felt so weak and powerless.

Anya P: Naomi, can you drop by? I'm vomiting.

After managing to send that message, I decided to close my eyes for a moment. I tried to normalize the uneasy feeling and the urge to vomit again. The vibration of my phone interrupted me.

Naomi: On the way.

At least, among the many things that made me feel alone, I still had Naomi. Maybe Dona too.