Chapter 45

I still can’t fully comprehend that Mom is gone. The last time I talked to her, she seemed fine… she looked happy and didn’t seem to have any problems bothering her.

Why, Ma? I thought there was no giving up… but why did you give up? We didn’t even know that you had a problem… we didn’t even ask you, and we didn’t try to help.

We were clueless… I’ve cleaned your room multiple times, but I couldn’t find any letter or note from you.

How am I going to live without you? How can Lance and I endure this life without you by our side?

You’ve been lying in state here in our house for two days now… and every time I see you lying there lifeless… I keep wishing it’s just a dream. I keep pushing my fingers into my palm, covering my nose and trying to breathe even with my nose covered, and sometimes I even slap myself.

But no matter how many times I do that, my fingers still don’t penetrate my palm, I still can’t breathe when I cover my nose, and I feel pain every ti