Chapter 100

I don’t quite know how I manage it, being that I can barely see straight, but somehow I get a tube ride downtown and end up two blocks from the club while slurring every word out of my mouth and walking like an injured fawn. People are avoiding me as the crazy drunk woman still sobbing her heart out, and I am more than aware of the pathetic spectacle I am making of myself. Typical New Yorkers avoid something they deem is none of their business.

I know I am pretty much signing my death certificate by coming here and trying to see him. I have no idea what to say or what I will do when faced with him, but all rationale has gone out the window, and all my blurry stupid head is repeating is “Find Alexi.”

I need to see him. I have a speech in my head of what I want to say, angry and sad simultaneously, my mind turning over a chaos of words and accusations I know I wouldn’t have the guts to say if I was sober.

I walk the rest of the way as the rain turns to drizzle, and I