Chapter 34

Wrapped in a fluffy robe after a hot shower, I stare at my clean face in the bathroom mirror; it’s tear-stained and pale. I downed painkillers before I got in here to combat the beginning of a hangover and feel completely wiped out. I don’t even know if he is still in my room or has gone to see Natasha, and I am not sure how I feel either way. I’m crazily disconnected inside, that none of this is real and no closer to a decision.

I still love him; I can’t deny that. Last night was incredibly stupid and most likely alcohol-fueled. The during was not exactly how I thought it would be, but part of me knows it’s because I no longer trust him like I once did. He hurt me in ways that screwed my head up and last night proved I no longer felt secure to let him have access to every part of me.

A combination of emotional turmoil, anger, drunkenness, and the first time I attempted sex with anyone. It’s no wonder my head went into a meltdown, and my lip is sore this morning from how