Chapter 4

I let Christian tug me away, obviously realizing that I can’t do it myself, throwing a casual wave and smile and acting as he owns me as Arrick watches me go. Throwing me one last look as our eyes connect, and for a mere second, I swear I catch a hint of raw unguarded regret and a subtle sigh. Arrick looks hurt, maybe. His eyes lose focus on me, his brows dip for a moment as he frowns and seems to lose that façade momentarily, a slight sag in his posture, but then it’s gone, and I’m being ushered out of the restaurant by Christian, and into the afternoon sun and fresh zingy air.

“He’s far sexier in person. Damn, I would tap that ass if he played for my field.” Christian cuts into my thoughts of imprinting Arrick’s voice and face to memory, whether I want to or not, placing a hand over his heart dramatically.

“You better cut that out if you’re still trying to convince him I’m your bitch, Chris. You’re looking decidedly camp right now.” I throw him an eyebrow lift, and he smiles cheekily. I don’t know whether I’m scolding him or light-heartedly telling him off. I’m so confused about how I should feel over Arry thinking Christian is my beau. I’m still reeling from the shock of seeing him and not sure how I should feel in general. I need to get away from the restaurant so that I can think.

“You mad at me, princess?” He hauls me into his chest and wraps his arms around my head before planting a kiss on top of it. I struggle free, borderline suffocating and having my face squished into oblivion, aware that we are still in front of the huge windows of the eatery and Arrick can most likely still see us from wherever he is. I try not to make it obvious that I’m untangling myself and pushing him off. Heaving breaths in and rubbing my poor face in the process.

“Why let him think that you and I are together?” I pout, obviously irritated, rubbing the bridge of my nose as he leans in and pins an apologetic kiss on the tip with a wink.

“Because, my love, if that guy has any sense at all, then the green-eyed goddess we call jealousy will be poking his gorgeous pride. I could smell the regret swarming off him in droves when he caught sight of my sexy girl.” Christian catches my hand and twirls me under his arm, almost colliding with people on the sidewalk who are innocently strolling by and setting me off balance. I giggle and shove him playfully in the chest, caught in his arms as he rights me again.

“You are a bad boy!” I chide with a genuine smile, losing my doubts and falling into Christian’s constant good mood. He’s eternally playful, sinfully naughty, and somehow always seems to get away with it.

“Oooh, say it again. I like it when you get all sexy and pretend to be mad. If I were into girls, I would totally do you when you call me that.” Christian leans in and plants a kiss on my cheek, ruffling my hair and smacking my ass as he pushes me ahead to head back to school. It’s only two blocks away, and the mild weather means it’s a pleasant walk. No cab is required when it’s a perfectly calm day like this afternoon. Christian takes my arm in his, his expression dropping to become serious, and he eyes me reflectively.

“How was it, though? Seeing him again after so long?” He squeezes my arm reassuringly.

“Hard. Awful.” I swallow down the weird lump that started with the sound of his voice and grew when I laid eyes on him, heating my belly to insane levels. “Much harder than I thought it would be… I still love him.” I sigh sadly, pushing it back down behind that wall of indifference as hard as I can and almost succeeding. Christian frowns at me, dropping my arm and pulling me close with a consoling squeeze around my back, hugging me in like the best friend he is.

“I know, baby girl. It’s his loss. He should have seen what was right in front of him and grabbed on with both hands because you are worth grabbing onto, Sophie. You will find someone who adores the ground you walk on, and I promise you’ll get over him one day.” Christian nudges my shoulder with his and gives me a sympathetic half-smile. He knows this story well enough to know that I do not like talking about this and that I want to appear always in control and emotionally undamaged.

My mask of strength.

“I’ll hold you to that.” I sigh dejectedly and carry on walking, looking ahead so I don’t have to see him studying my expression. My heart calmed to its previous steady beat, although I can’t dislodge how good he looked from my mind’s eye or how he sounded and smelled. Nothing about him has changed, and there isn’t anything about him that doesn’t get to me on every level, even now.

“So, do I continue to be your sexy man at this thing?” Christian eyes me seriously, but I sigh and shake my head at him in defeat.

“My parents would only be confused; they already met you and know we are incompatible. You told my mom about your man troubles, and I have never lied to him, even if we no longer see each other. I don’t want dishonesty between us.” I turn away from his knowing eyebrow wiggle and that cheeky grin plastered across that handsome face.

“You still have it so bad. You could have had fun with this and tortured him a little.” Christian giggles, but I sigh sadly.

“He chose Natasha; she may even be there, so I don’t see how your acting like my boyfriend will make a difference.” I tuck my chin down to hide that my eyes are misting up with this topic, hating that even after three months, he still gets me upset. That her name still hurts me, like being stabbed in the chest with a dull knife.

“Well, maybe you should ask Joey to go with us, that guy has been mooning over you for weeks, and you won’t even go out for a coffee with him.” Christian stops to face me on the sidewalk abruptly, hauling me to him with a devilish air to his tone. Joey is the guy who lives two doors along my hall, he’s asked me out a dozen times, but I only ever find excuses to turn him down. He seems nice enough, tall and dark-haired with grey-blue eyes. I would have seen no problem dating him months back, but he isn’t Arrick, and my heart is struggling to get past that fact.

“I’m not ready.” I sigh, looking at my feet and admiring my pink flats with cute sequin details to distract my aching heart and wandering mind from tall, handsome Carrero men.

“I don’t think you will ever be ready; you need to give him a chance. Grab a coffee, and keep it casual. You have nothing to lose.” Christian is in bossy mode, eyeing me up with his no-nonsense attitude. He has an idea in his head, and like a dog with a bone, he isn’t about to let it go.

“I don’t know, Chris.” I pull him forward as a group of rowdy boys try to slide by on the sidewalk. One of them eyes Christian up with a double glance and blushes as he moves on.

“Nothing to lose, except maybe your heart.” He winks happily, oblivious to the passing “hotty,” and I eye roll, knowing it’s unlikely anytime soon.

To lose your heart, you need to have gotten it back first so that it can let someone else have it, and mine is still most definitely in the tightly gripped hands of one sandy-haired, hazel-eyed heartbreaker of a Carrero.