Chapter 5. Shane

2013

Theo sank the eight ball into the corner pocket of the pool table that took up a large part of Shane’s basement.

“So where are Vienna and the girls?” Shane asked Theo while he racked the balls again for another game. He could tell things were strained between Theo and Vienna lately, but he didn’t want to pry. Instead, he would ask around the issue and if Theo wanted to talk, he would listen.

“They went to the Bahamas on vacation,” Theo grumbled and took a swig of his beer.

Shane nodded and got himself another cold Heineken from the fridge by the wet bar. He waited to see if Theo was about to continue talking, which he did.

“I’m getting pretty fucking tired of the cameras, man. I knew it was a bad idea when she brought it up, and even more so when she went ahead with it even though I made it clear I didn’t want to be a part of it.” Theo looked tense and he drained half his beer in one gulp, which was also unlike him. He wasn’t a big drinker. He didn’t party, unlike a lot of his teammates.

Shane grabbed him another beer from the fridge and tossed it to him.

“How much longer are they filming?” Shane asked, talking about the reality show Vienna was now starring in, featuring a few athletes’ wives who did little but talk badly about one another and get manicures. Oh, and there was the occasional cat fight of course. Hair pulling and scratching. Some really classy shit in other words.

“I have no idea, actually,” Theo responded with a sigh. “She obviously signed on for more than one season, since it’s been over a year already.”

“I can find out if you want,” Shane offered. “You know I have my ways.”

Theo shrugged and grabbed his pool cue to break. He hit the white ball with a loud crack, scattering striped and solid colored balls across the green felt. One ended up in a pocket.

“Solids,” Theo called and lined up his next shot. “How about you, man? Any special lady in your life?”

“About twenty-three of them,” Shane answered, grinning.

“One of these days your dick will fall off from over-use, man.” Theo chuckled and shook his head in amusement.

“I’m gathering knowledge and experience so I can give my future wife the gift of mind-blowing pleasure one day,” Shane shot back.

“Let’s just hope you don’t give her the gift of ‘The Herp’ at the same time.”

“Oh, look at you trying to make a joke. How cute!” Shane said and fluttered his lashes in Theo’s direction. “You know I’m not dumb enough to hit it unprotected.”

“I’m still curious how you manage to bang all these chicks, and you never meet anyone who might be worth more?”

“I’m just lucky, I guess.” Shane winked, and Theo laughed.

“Lucky, huh? Well the way things are for me lately, I’m starting to think you might be the smart one.”

“How was that ever a question?” Shane raised an eyebrow.

“Shit talker extraordinaire. Shut up and watch me win this game,” Theo growled.

“Yeah, ok. I see you had another session with your life coach about a positive outlook on life. He is obviously overpaid. You will not make that.”

Theo missed his shot and sighed. “Ain’t this some shit,” he mumbled to no one in particular. Unfortunately, Shane heard him.

“Sure is. Your penalty for sucking is to pay up for pizza. Speed dial #3 on my cell. Make it happen!”

“Guest room got clean sheets?” Theo asked before grabbing another beer.

“Yup. It’s yours. Wanna switch to bourbon?”

“Hell yeah.” Theo nodded and put the beer back in the fridge. “It’s not like I have anything better to do.”

“We could get the guys together and hit a strip j****?” Shane suggested.

“Edith must be so proud of you, you dirty fucker.” Theo laughed.

“I’ll have you know my mother thinks I’m the best thing since sliced bread! And don’t fucking rat me out either! I’m a good church-going young man, who just haven’t met ‘the one.’”

“Ha! When is the last time you went to church?” Theo challenged, pouring a generous amount of liquor over the two ice cubes in his tumbler.

“Uhm. What year did I bang that chick at the ‘W’ in Atlanta and her husband showed up? I went to church the next morning, praising the Lord I ran faster than her man.”

Theo’s rumbling laugh was loud and infectious, and Shane started laughing with him.

“Like you haven’t pulled some dirty shit before you married Vienna.”

“Maybe once or twice,” Theo admitted with a crooked smile.

“Don’t hold back now!” Shane insisted. “What’s the worst thing you have ever done to a chick?”

Theo looked up toward the ceiling with a thoughtful expression while rubbing his scruffy chin.

“Hmm, I’m thinking it has to be the time I fucked up with those twins.”

Shane busted out laughing. “I forgot about that. Priceless. You fucked one of them, then ended up doing the other one the next night at that party and then you dumped the first one because the other one was better in bed!”

“In my defense, that was in high school. I’d like to think I have grown some since then.”  Theo grumbled, a bit embarrassed.

“Well, your ego has, if nothing else,” Shane shot back with a smile.

“Whatever, man. I am not that guy.”

“Nah, I know. I just like fucking with you. You are probably one of the humblest guys I know. Pretty refreshing in this business.”

“I might just agree to be your best man when you get married if you keep stroking my ego like that.” Theo chuckled.

“You find me a sweet girl who isn’t bitter and jaded and who doesn’t want me for my money, I might consider it. Oh, and she needs to know how to cook and be a dog person. I can’t stand cats.”

“I’ll keep my eyes open. Have you tried a convent at all? I hear those chicks are innocent and fairly unimpressed by money and fame,” Theo suggested sarcastically.

“Don’t hate me because I have some standards.”

“Standards? You have a better shot at winning the Powerball, man.”

“And that’s why I’m still single. I can do whatever the fuck I want, go wherever I want, I don’t have to check in with anyone, and I can have all the pussy I want.”

“I thought you were a dog person,” Theo deadpanned.

“So funny today. Sooooo funny,” Shane drawled.

The pizza arrived at the same time as a couple of Theo’s teammates, including rookie Marcus Edwards – one of the top wide receivers in the league. He was a tall good-looking guy with a cocky attitude, which he felt was only fitting considering he was one of the best to hit the field this decade. His smooth brown skin and light amber eyes were a combination that drove women crazy. He was tall and lean with well-defined muscles, and according to ESPN magazine, his body was obviously worth displaying to the world considering they had featured him in this year’s Body Issue - with nothing but a muddy football to hide his pride and joy. His ten inches of pride and joy if you wanted to get technical about it. And he did. With anyone who happened to have a vagina and low expectations.

“What’s good, boys?” he said and sank down into the plush couch.

“Discussing Shane’s inability to become emotionally attached to women,” Theo filled him in.

“Why would he want to do that? We are young, rich and good looking. I plan on playing the field until I’m at least thirty-five.”

Shane leaned over and they shared a fist bump across the black coffee table.

“See, I’m not the only one,” Shane said to Theo.

“Ok, but at least Marcus dates women. You hit it and quit it. How many women have been in this house?”

“Women, women, or sexual partners?” Shane asked, and Theo clarified,

“Partners.”

“Zero. This is my private space. Why would I want that tainted with memories of chicks I will never see again?”

“Yeah, ok Theo I see your point now.” Marcus chuckled. “Shane, make sure you save some of those investments of yours so you can afford a mail-order bride from Russia when your looks start to go, bruh.”

The rest of the guys laughed, and Shane rolled his eyes and patted his flawless abs.

“I will just get better with age. Watch me!”

“Oh we will,” Theo agreed. “It will be like one of those disasters you know is about to happen, but you can’t look away. One day you look like a young Brad Pitt, and then overnight you’ll turn into a hung-over Gary Busey.”  The guys c****** up again.

“Fuck you guys,” Shane grinned. “Just give me some damn pizza.”