Chapter 30

“Interesting movie choices you have.” Natasha drags my head back to the present, away from my fixating sex obsession, and I can’t tell if she is being ironic. Sophie looks at her and then bursts into cute laughter, relieving the tension, and I somehow end up laughing too, except not at this, at the shit state of my life, my head, and my heart.

I’ve never been so caught between a hard place and a brick wall ever, and for the first time, I wonder if becoming an alcoholic might be a way out. Most alcoholics can’t even get boners, which might cure me of that anyway. The three of us laugh, and I feel crazily out of whack. The silence which follows is even heavier, and I want Tasha to leave us alone when it fizzles to awkward. I want to spend a night with Sophie like we used to; a movie, a bowl of popcorn, and give my head one night of a break from this bullshit while I take a time out from the mental torture I inflict on myself.

I want one night of the old us to feel content.