Happy Once Again

Violet’s POV

I picked up the phone with surprise when I saw who was calling me.

Dad.

He never called on my night out with friends. He wanted me to have as much fun as possible during weekends to relax from school. So, I hesitantly answered.

"Yes Daddy? What’s wrong?"

I could hear he was crying, and I immediately felt as if someone would suck all the air from my lungs.

"Daddy? Talk to me, please."

After a few more minutes of silence, a sigh followed and finally he answered.

"Sweetheart, whatever happens in your life, promise me after tonight you will be strong for your siblings, and your mom. They need you more than you know. You are the strongest in our family. Don’t you dare forget that and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. I know I didn’t tell you often enough, but I love you. Many times, in my life you scared me to death. You are the oldest and the first of all six of you, so everything from school to puberty was the first with you. But never doubt my love for you. I loved you from the moment I held you in my arms for the first time and all the way until my last breath. So just remember whatever happens I love you, OK, sweetheart?"

As the words left his mouth, my heart picked up speed, I knew something was wrong. "Daddy, where are you? I love you too. Please don’t make any stupid decisions."

My words were met only with silence and the lump that formed in my throat prevented me from speaking. So, minutes passed and then he just said "I love you sweetheart. Never forget that" And then the line went silent.

I started to shout into my phone, calling him back, but every call went straight to voicemail. My girlfriends tried to comfort me, but nothing helped. After a few more tries, I went home hoping to find him in front of the TV like every weekend when I got home.

But when I got home, the light and TV were off, everyone asleep and no sign of dad. I couldn’t sleep all night long. I was just staring at the ceiling and repeating my conversation with dad.

When morning finally came, my sister came running into my room.

"Vi, I know something is wrong. I know something is wrong with daddy."

I didn’t have the strength to lie to her that everything was alright when I could feel it deep in my heart that she was right. So instead, I just pulled her closer to me, hugged her tight and together we cried and sobbed for almost an hour.

When mom came into my room to tell us to look after our brother and sisters while she went to our old house, we were already numb from worries and all the crying. We went to make breakfast, made coffee for us and cacao for the little ones.

After almost an hour, my phone rang. With shaking hands, I pulled it out of my pocket and when I saw my mom’s number, I felt my heart sinking even deeper. I went to my room, locked the door, and answered the phone.

"Mom tell me we were wrong; tell me he is alright." I could even hear the pleading in my own voice.

"No Violet. Daddy is not alright. Daddy is gone. He hung himself."

I could hear her sobbing, calling my name, but my mind just didn’t want to answer. My legs gave away and I broke down against the door. I felt tears rolling down my cheeks, felt my heart breaking into a thousand pieces. But what hurt the most were the words that kept repeating in my head, "Daddy is gone."

***

7 years later

Once again, I woke up with tears streaming down my face and cries so loud it hurt my own ears.

Nightmares were there every night to remind me of what I once had and that I should never again feel love so deep it could break you in pieces. Once upon a time I used to have it all… love, family, faith… hope.

Now there is just emptiness and my constant fight with all the demons of my past and all the questions which I don’t have answers to.

So instead of looking for questions today, I got out of my bed, straightened the sheets and took the shower which I desperately needed after a long night full of nightmares.

Breakfast was something I don’t remember eating in years and today was no different. Instead, I took my purse and walked out the doors toward my car and drove to work with music as loud as it could go just to shut down voices in my head.

When I arrived at my destination, I looked through the window where the sign stood: "Vi’s little piece of heaven" and this little bar really was my piece of heaven. When I first started bartending, it was just to help me get through school.

Over the years, it became something that made me happy, and gave my life back its purpose. So, when I was 21, I got money from an inheritance and with it I bought my own place and started on my own.

When I walked in through the door, Kensie was already waiting for me. "Hey girl. Had any fun this weekend? Or were you once again playing a 40-year-old widow?"

I wasn’t actually 40 years old. I was only 25 and, on most days, had enough energy to run a marathon. But Kensie was one of my best friends, and she knew what had been wrong in my life, since we had known each other since we were 6. She was bartending in my bar, so we practically spent every minute together.

The other best friend and help in the bar was my sister Kaya. She is 3 years younger than me, but what life served us made us both grow up really soon in our lives. While me and Kensie keep the guests entertained, she keeps our little boat floating. She takes care of our accounts, pay checks, inventory…absolutely everything except bartending.