Chapter 28. Struggling

The next few days are a blur. Jackson’s funeral is planned without the body.

I don’t want to go. It would be like accepting he has gone. It doesn’t feel like he has gone at all. Everyone is flocking around me the day of his funeral, but I don’t want them. They are not what I need. All these people, all these people that care for me, and yet I feel alone. I feel like I have no one. I feel lonely. I wonder if I will ever feel the way I felt with Jackson again. I know I won’t. Marcus has been here the whole time. He isn’t even the real Marcus anymore. He isn’t joking, laughing or anything. He is like us, broken. Arriving at the same church we got married in, I walk behind the empty coffin that is carried through. Liam, Marcus and the rest of the team are carrying it.

The church is full. People are even standing. Clearly, Jackson had a lot of team members over the years. The ceremony starts. Georgina sits on one side, hugging me, and Jackson’s Mum on the other side. A few pe