Chapter 4. A New Beginning

Snow’s POV

It’s been a week since I lost my mother. I still can’t believe she’s gone. I’ve been locked up at home since then. I don’t know what to do without my mother. She was my motivation, my inspiration, and now she’s gone, and it’s all my fault. The amount of guilt I feel every time I think of my mother is unbearable. She died for nothing. All I had to do was admit to a stupid crime, and my mother would still be alive today.

I’ve felt everything and nothing since her murder. It’s like my world stopped spinning, and I just feel stuck in time. I feel traumatized by everything that happened to me. From almost getting assaulted to my mom dying.

I hate myself so much for her death. My eighteenth birthday is around the corner, and my mother won’t be here to see me shapeshift for the first time. What part of any of this is fair?

I hate my Master for what he did to me. I hate the Alpha for what he did. I hate them all so much. Why would the Moon Goddess give so much power to such a ruthless man? I think I hate the Moon Goddess too. They can all go to hell.

Tears fall from my eyes as I think of my mother. That’s all I’ve been able to do lately, cry. Sometimes I cry, and other times I just stare at the world silently, waiting for someone to wake me up from this dream and tell me it was never real. But it never comes. I wake up the next day, and my mom still isn’t here.

My mother wouldn’t want me to live like this. She would want me to be strong, to find strength and make something of my life, but I don’t know if I’m strong enough for that. I feel suffocated in this nation, in this pack. I don’t want to be here anymore because the slightest thing reminds me of my mother, and I can’t help but fall into a state of depression. My suicidal thoughts haunt me every time I see a knife or any sharp object.

I look at my table and see the five pieces of gold I managed to get glitter as the sun’s rays reflect off them. An impulsive thought crosses my mind, and I wonder if it’s a good idea or not.

Five pieces of coin plus the money I have in my savings is enough to get me out of this godforsaken pack. I can buy my way into a neighboring nation and start a new life there.

I know life won’t be any easier there, but at least I’ll be away from the people who hurt me, away from the people who killed my mother. I take a deep breath and make a decision. I’ll journey to the North, to the pack of the Black Knights.

It’s the most powerful pack in the world, and they won’t let me in their nation so easily. I might even be considered a spy and get killed, but I have to try. I can seek an audience with their Alpha and plead with him to take me in as a member of his pack.

I wipe away my tears as I start packing for my trip, as I start preparing for my new life. This is probably a very impulsive decision, and I have not thought this through at all, but I really can’t stay here anymore. I have to leave this place.

I’ll leave at sunrise tomorrow and never look back.

***

The next morning, everything is prepared, and I am ready to embark on my new journey. I don’t even have second thoughts. I want to do this, and nothing will change my mind. There’s nothing left for me here anymore.

I threw out all the stuff I wouldn’t need and left the house completely empty. My mother and I did not have a lot of things that belonged to us, so our house wasn’t filled with a lot of utilities. The only thing I took to remind me of my mother is a necklace she loved to wear. She told me father gave it to her a long time ago, and it meant a lot to her.

As I step out of the little house, I look back at it, and my eyes water as I think of all the memories I will be leaving behind. I know this journey won’t be easy, but I have made a decision to be strong. No more crying. I’ll train and become a powerful warrior so no one can ever hurt me ever again, and I will come back for all those who did me wrong. My mother will be avenged. That is a promise.

I use some of the savings I have to buy a horse, some food, and some water and make my way out of the nation. This journey won’t be easy, and it will last a few weeks, but I tell myself I can do it.

I pass by a market that sells weapons and purchase a map for directions and a small dagger to protect myself. The journey to the North will be dangerous. There will be thieves and rogue wolves that will try to steal from me, and I may be just one girl, but I might be able to protect myself. I’m not particularly sure I’ll be able to fight off thieves, but I won’t go down without a fight. At least, that’s what I tell myself. If I think too much about the dangers of this journey, then I might change my mind in fear.

And if I’m smart and follow the map correctly, then I won’t run into any rogue wolves. Rogues are wolves who don’t belong to any particular pack. They live freely, not bound to an Alpha. They steal and cause havoc. If I run into one, I might lose everything I have.

I follow the map rigorously until I come across an inn on the outskirts of the nation in the east. It’s dark already, and I need a safe place to rest for the night. It started raining heavily, and I feel grateful that I arrived at the inn just a few seconds before it started pouring.

Further into my journey, there won’t be inns available for a long time, and I’ll probably have to sleep in the woods. The thought of sleeping in the woods with so many wild animals makes me shiver in fear. I get down from my horse and walk into the inn, finding an old woman behind a desk.

“Good evening,” I say as I walk toward her.

“All rooms are full,” she says instantly, not even giving me time to speak. She walks past the table and walks toward me, showing me back out the door. She has a scowl on her face like she doesn’t want to be bothered. Old people normally look sweet and kind, but not this woman. I can’t decipher the look on her face, but it isn’t that of someone kind.

Then again, I don’t know a lot of kind people.

“Please, ma’am. I’m sure there must be some way you can be of help. I have journeyed a long way since morning, and I am beyond tired. I can even sleep in your stables if you would permit me,” I beg the old woman desperately.

“The stables are for horses, girl,” The old woman objects.

“Please, ma’am. It’s raining heavily, and I have nowhere else to go.” She looks at me weirdly and shakes her head as a grumble escapes her throat.

“Fine. That’ll be one piece of silver. I’ll have to lock you in for the night, though. In case you plan on stealing my horses,” she says to me, and the idea of being locked up in a stable with animals doesn’t sit right with me, but I don’t particularly have a choice in the matter.

I thank her continuously until she finally locks me and my horse up in the stables, and I sigh in satisfaction at the warmth in here. I find a comfortable spot to occupy next to my horse and settle in.

I look up at the ceiling and thank the gods for taking me this far into my journey.