Chapter 3. I Miss You (3)

"Are you okay?" I hear his voice and shiver. We're a few meters apart, but it sounds like a whisper right by my ear.

I turn around and see his curious eyes. I nod, still unsure of what to do.

I'm not sure if there's tension between us, but it feels like I can even hear JunKoo's heavy breathing. I let my eyes wander over my body and touch the silk ribbon holding the robe together.

I look back at him when the bow comes undone, and then I push it down, removing it from my body, analyzing JunKoo's reactions to it.

I admit, it feels good to see his eyes roam all over my body, lingering on my legs.

JunKoo has always been crazy about them.

Slowly, I walk to the kitchen and go to the fridge. I feel like a complete teenager who doesn't even know what they're doing, but I know that what I'm doing now drives him crazy, so I lean over a bit and grab a small container of strawberries, even though I'm not hungry.

"Do you want some?" I ask him, biting my lower lip as I see him still so captivated by me.

JunKoo blinks slightly as I grab the strawberry and bite just the tip.

It's obvious that I look at him while I bite it in the most provocative way possible, and it's obvious that he doesn't even respond, as if he doesn't even think, with his eyes that don't even blink.

I chuckle softly, biting the rest of the strawberry before putting the container back in the fridge. I take the robe back, but I don't put it on.

I continue walking towards the bedroom, but my intention is not to get there. I hope JunKoo reacts, I hope he grabs me and shows that it's not just me who's so desperate for everything that involves the two of us.

"Good night, JunKoo," I say as I stop in front of the door and look at him.

He finally seems to come back to reality and smiles strangely, but he remains still, just observing me.

I sigh, deciding to enter and close the door. I could be sad, I could think that JunKoo no longer wants me and that I'm making a fool of myself. But I know him well enough to know that maybe his mind just takes a little longer to process everything, and only then, he'll come looking for me.

I lie down on the bed and grab my phone to keep it by my side. Maybe he'll send me a message, like he used to in the beginning, when he seemed to want me all to himself.

But minutes pass, and JunKoo doesn't send me anything.

However, maybe after ten minutes, and when I had already decided to go back to that room and ask if he didn't understand my signals, I hear soft but quick knocks on the door.

I furrow my brow and feel nervous as I smile. It's my JunKoo!

I take a deep breath before simply opening the door and even pretending to be a little sleepy, just so he doesn't notice my nervousness—if he hasn't already.

"Hey..." I say, pretending to rub my eyes as if I just woke up, but I smile as I once again look at his beautiful face.

"Did I wake you up?" he asks, concerned. "Oh, sorry," he says, taking a step back.

"No, it's okay, I was just lying down," I say, reassuring him. "But did something happen?"

I notice the same bottle of wine we were drinking in his hands, and I smile as I look at it and then back into his eyes.

"I wanted to invite you for another glass..." he says, blushing.

"Do you really want to drink?" I approach him a little.

JunKoo swallows hard, and I notice his complete nervousness when he denies it.

"So, what do you want?" I subtly touch the center of his chest and press my body against his.

"I... hm... I wanted to ask you to sleep with me..." he tries to speak while staring at my hand slowly caressing his still-covered skin. "I wanted to, or I want to?" I smile. "Do you miss us too?"

"I miss everything," he says, seeming genuine as he looks into my eyes.

"Everything?"

By now, I feel his body trembling slightly. I take the bottle from his hands and take a sip, noticing how even that captivates him.

Every small movement of mine is thoroughly observed.

I step back slightly to place the bottle on the nearby furniture and approach him again, listening to his loud sigh reverberate in the air.

I wrap my arms around JunKoo's neck and look at him up close. Then I see him run his tongue over his lower lip while looking into my eyes.

My body is already pressed against his, so with just a gentle movement, I run my nose over his, caressing it.

JunKoo sighs again and closes his eyes. I could easily stay like that for minutes, just observing him so closely, with all his details and imperfections so perfect. But when my gaze falls to those well-defined, marked, and pink lips, I can't resist.

I give him a gentle kiss on the lips and look at him again, just to make sure it's what he wants.

JunKoo opens his eyes, looking intoxicated, and smiles.

"I could give you a thousand kisses, and each one would still make me nervous as if it were the first," he says.

I smile upon hearing that, and still very close to him, I caress his nose with mine again.

"Kiss me, JunKoo... I need to feel you for real."

There was no need for any more words. JunKoo simply leaned in and kissed me the way I loved to be kissed.

It was a passionate kiss, heating up the atmosphere and emanating our reciprocity.

I tightened my arms even more and shivered as I heard him release a small moan while still kissing me.

His large hands alternated between my waist and my back, gripping me tightly.

JunKoo had never held me so tightly before, as if he wanted to keep me close to him forever, and I held onto him with the same fervor. Anyone who saw us would notice our obvious desperation.

He sighs and tightens his grip on me with each passing second. His tongue seeks entrance into my mouth, and it doesn't waste any time. Slowly, he pulls me along, and we walk back into the room I was in, not even paying attention to the path and realizing how close we were to the bed.

I stumble and fall while laughing, bringing JunKoo down with me, our laughter blending together.

But the laughter fades when we lock eyes in that position and simply start kissing again.

We're like crazy lovers. With every kiss, we smile during the brief pauses to catch our breath or leave intentional marks. My chest fills up even more, my heart races, and I can even feel JunKoo's heart racing in sync.

When my hands reach for JunKoo's nape, he responds with another low moan and tightens his grip on me, making me lose myself completely.

I finish the kiss with a bite and pull him to the side, causing us to fall onto the bed.

I could say this is the most delicious moment after everything we've been through, but the most delicious moment is yet to come. With JunKoo all soft and surrendered to the kiss that I give him again, I position myself on his thighs and trail kisses down to his neck.

His hair is already tousled, and his lips are red as blood, sighing as my tongue touches his skin.

The longing makes me moan softly at the contact, and my hands are already working their way into his shirt, seeking his skin, hot like embers, feeling his hands grip my thighs tightly.

"JaeMin..." he calls with a voice almost faltering.

I lift my head and get lost in that mess and beauty of his.

"Let's slow down..." he pleads.

I pause for two seconds, furrowing my brow, and only then do I realize how fast I was moving things.

"I'm sorry," I apologize, removing my hands from inside his shirt and preparing to get off his lap. "I didn't mean to rush things. I'm sorry."

"That's not it," JunKoo holds me still on his lap and sits up, keeping his face close to mine. "It's just that I haven't... you know? Of course, you know, you must be feeling..."

I look at him, not understanding his pout and restlessness. JunKoo looks away from me, biting his lip.

"What's wrong, love?" I worry.

He looks back at me and in an embarrassed gesture, he points downwards. I don't understand, so I follow the path his finger makes, and it's towards his own groin.

What is he trying to say?

"I don't understand."

"Jae..." he lets go of my waist and frustratedly rubs his face. "I'm sorry."

"JunKoo...," I looked at him, but before he could say anything, I saw him sigh loudly and speak again.

"I can't... I'll never satisfy you again," he said, his face turning red.

"What are you talking about?" I asked. "Of course you will, my love."

"No, Mochi, I won't..." he pouted.

"What are you talking about?"

"My dick!" he blurted out and looked back at me. "It doesn't obey me anymore! It won't get hard!"

I leaned back a bit from his lap and realized that he wasn't erect, but honestly, I hadn't even noticed.

"It's okay, Jun," I said because it was okay. "This happens to everyone with a dick, love."

"No, love. But this is the second time already... I think it will never get hard again."

Before I could die from the cute pout he was making while looking at his own intimate area, I found myself thinking.

Second time?

"What do you mean, the second time?" I dared to ask.

"Now and... that day in Seoul."

He's not talking about the day he just lay down and turned away, is he?

"So that's why you were like that?" I asked.

"I was embarrassed," he said, still upset with himself. "My mind was filled with things, and it just wouldn't cooperate."

"Love, you don't have to be ashamed of that," I said, caressing his face and giving him a smile. "It's normal, you know? You said it yourself, your mind was filled, you were probably tired..." I completely melted when I kissed his nose because honestly, I just want to take care of my destiny.

JunKoo huffed, and I even got off his legs to improve how he feels about himself. I sat next to his body and leaned against the headboard. He did the same and reached for my hand, intertwining it with his, lingering in his own silence until he decided to break it and open up.

"I'm scared..."

"Scared of what, angel?" I rested my head on his shoulder. "Of everything that happened to us?"

"Scared of everything happening again," he finally said. "I thought that if we made love, everything would repeat, and maybe that's why I couldn't get hard to satisfy you..."

"Is it happening now? I mean, are you scared?"

"I will never forgive myself if you went through all of that again."

"But that wasn't your fault. It wasn't anyone's fault, angel."

"But I'm scared. What if it happens again? What if I contribute to destiny, making you suffer again?"

"That's just a 'what if' question, my love. There's no proof that all of that would repeat if I were to get pregnant again, and even if it did, you wouldn't be the trigger for such brutality."

"You were suffering when I met you, Jae. And you suffered from the loss of our babies too... It's painful for me to see you sad, unwilling to smile. I never want to see you cry like that again."

"And I won't," I say, giving him another smile. "And having sex doesn't only mean getting pregnant... There are ways to prevent it, we can be more cautious, I can start taking my medication again."

"There's no better way than having a dead dick..." he laughs at the situation. "But I know, love, we can take care of ourselves, but remember? You were taking your medication correctly when that happened."

"But we were careless, you know that yourself. No contraceptive is one hundred percent effective, angel, but we relied on it. To avoid a baby or even a sexually transmitted disease, more than that is necessary, the use of condoms is necessary, and sometimes we didn't use them."

JunKoo sighs and leans forward a bit, reaching for a condom in his pocket.

"I had even grabbed one this time... I really wanted us to make love today, but my stupid dick won't cooperate."

"Don't call your dick that," I laugh. "And it's okay, my angel," I lean in and give him a peck on the cheek. Then I take the condom from his hand and put it in the bedside table drawer. "Shall we lie down? I want to cuddle with you, you have no idea how much I missed it," I announce and immediately lie down.

JunKoo smiles, but still looks upset, and worse, embarrassed.

I'm still hard, but I would never ask him to fix that. Even I, completely, lose the desire to make love and only want to take care of him as I've always loved to do.

JunKoo is clearly scared about us having sex again, and I don't want to force him into anything. I'll give him the time he needs to feel safe with it, and I'll just stay by his side as I always have, being his partner.

"I want to be the outer spoon," he says, turning to face me.

I take the opportunity to move a little closer and steal a few quick kisses from him, but then I turn around and feel our bodies fitting together.

"I missed this," he says, softly in my ear.

"I missed it too, love," I reply, holding his hand on my waist.

"Goodnight, Jae, I love you."

I shiver with all the longing I had for this, and I smile.

"I love you too, love."

JunKoo gives one more peck on my neck and pulls me closer to him. I turn off the bedside lamp and settle in to sleep, for the first time in weeks, in the embrace of my love.