Chapter 2. Difficult

DYLAN

I stood up.

Ashlene was covering her mouth as she listened to whoever was on the other side of the call. I pulled my chair and walked towards her direction and as soon as her eyes met mine, I knew something was wrong. Her round brown eyes were welling with tears. For a while, gone was the usual coldness of those two orbs, as if she was stripped down of her defense mechanism. All I could see now was a vulnerable child.

“I… I understand… thank you for telling me,” was all she said in that entire conversation. Aside from hello.

Slowly, she lowered the phone and looked at me with an unreadable expression. She opened her lips to say something but hesitated.

“What’s wrong?”

As if to answer my question, a sole tear rolled down her cheek. I was lost right then. I had no idea what this was about, but I opened my arms to offer her an embrace. She hesitated at first, so I stepped closer to embrace her. She hugged me… tight. Until she let go and sobbed. I was patting her hair and back, telling her reassuring words. That call must have been serious.

I let her cry on my shoulders until she calmed down. I felt the wetness of her tears on my shirt. Finally, she calmed down. As much as I wanted to know what’s up, I didn’t ask. Thankfully, she spoke.

“I don’t feel like working today, Dylan.”

I frowned. Again, my curiosity was banging at the walls of my chest, aching to ask the question about the call, which completely changed the course of our beautiful morning.

“Okay? Do you want me to call your boss?”

“Nah. I’ll do it. In a minute.”

I nodded.

She looked at me again, really looked. As if she was reading something in my eyes.

“My… my mother…. she’s… she got a stroke attack. She’s…. she didn’t make it. She’s—”

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry.”

I pulled her closer for a hug. It was awful. Among all the things I was guessing in my head about that phone call, this wasn’t one of those.

“I didn’t even have a chance to say goodbye.” She was sobbing again.

“Shhh, it’s going to be fine, Ash. Just cry it out.”

“I don’t think it will. I haven’t even apologized for leaving home. I… I’m such a bad daughter. I shouldn’t have left. I should’ve listened to her in the first place.”

“Don’t say that.”

I didn’t want her to blame herself, but at the same time, I also didn’t want to hear the rest of what she was about to say.

“I’m here for you, okay? Whatever you want to do for this. If you want us to come to her wake, I’ll be totally supportive. Whatever it is that you decide, I’m with you. Just don’t blame yourself for this bad outcome because none of this is your fault.”

She nodded, still sobbing.

“Let me call your boss, love. Take this day off. I guess we have to cancel Huber’s invitation, too. I’m sure he’ll understand. If you want, I can skip work as well. Let’s just stay here and rest for the day. Until you decide on what to do next.”

I excused myself and kissed her on the cheek. I tasted the saltiness of her tears and for some reason, I got reminded of my promise during our wedding: to never make her cry and make her happiness my number one priority.

And that, I intended to do.

I did the call to her boss, to mine, and lastly to Huber. The latter wanted to come over and check up on us but I said it was better if he let a day pass first before doing so. Today, I only wanted to focus on my wife and her needs.

She didn’t want to continue eating anymore, so I kept the food and washed the dishes. As soon as I was done, I saw her sleeping on the couch with my jacket covering her from the knees down.

It was only 8:30 in the morning but the day had been very heavy for both of us. Especially to her. She lost her mother, which I heard was one of the hardest things in life. I, for one, would not know how that went. Growing up in an orphanage with no knowledge of my own parents, I didn’t have the chance to know what having parents felt like. Or the deathlike hurt of losing one. I guess it was also a blessing in disguise.

When Ashlene woke up after thirty minutes, the first thing she looked for was her phone. It was on the table right in front of her.

“Don’t worry, I already called your boss.”

“He’s not who I’m calling.”

She dialed a number and waited until the other person picked up.

“Dad?”

I was surprised, and she noticed that. Since we got married, she hadn’t talked to anyone in her family. Not to her mother, father, or even to her big brother Anton. They cut her off, and we both left in the middle of the night to start our own lives away from them. They tried to contact her but she ignored. Until they got tired and stopped. That’s why when I heard that one word, I froze in my seat.

“Please… just save whatever it is you want to say to me in person. Just listen to me first.”

Silence. I bet the other person was saying something. I couldn’t read what was on her mind but I gave her a smile, a little assurance that whatever this was, she had my full support. No doubt about that. Deep down, I kind of already knew what it was she wanted. I kind of knew these past months. She was missing her family. She might want to come back home, for that matter.

“I know, and I regret everything about that. Is it too late for us to start over now? Can we come home?”

I was right. I didn’t know what would be the effect of that decision on me. However, what I knew was that it wasn’t good. It never was good.