Chapter 2. Strange Morning

Peeling my eyes open after the realization spanks me that life doesn’t want to take me to the paradise where my loved ones are dancing with angels, I am greeted by the morning sun's rays filling the room. So, I am in my room? But... I reckon I'm falling asleep outside. I blink a couple of times, straining to summon the memories of what seems to have transpired after I drowned in darkness and sorrow last night. 

Despite wiggling my head and blinking countless times, nothing tickles my mind. However, some sort of magic must have surely happened last night because, one, today I didn’t wake up with my eyes sore and still drenched with tears. Unlike the past week, I also did not spend the whole night hiccuping my throat and lungs out. I slept. Peacefully, presumably. And my morning doesn’t feel terrible like the rest of my mornings. 

And this warmth? I snuggle closer. Taking it all in with a deep breath and savoring it all. I feel so fresh. So raw. So new. I am not in that paradise I was crying to the heavens to take me to last night, but I am inclined to think that the heavens realized how mean and cruel it has been to me and brought a paradise here to me instead. It feels like I am in a peaceful haven. Wow! What did I do to appease the heavens? Anyway, whatever it is, I want to sample more of this magic—this warmth, this peace. It is all I crave for. All I desire. 

"Good morning!" A voice strokes the delicate skin between my ear and neck, arousing my hair and all the nerves in me. I freeze! 

This gender? On my bed? Am I dreaming, or am I really in paradise? 

I try to flip around and confront my unsettling dream, but to my bewilderment, that is when I realize I am tightly draped around strong male arms. This isn't a dream. There is also no doubt at all that there is a man under the sheets with me. A very familiar sense of fear spews in of me. I swallow hard, holding my breath. 

This is strange! And this feeling? This touch? Why does it feel so familiar? 

“Lynn?” The voice strokes through my ears again. 

Lynn!? Only one person used to call me that. Only one voice had the magic to make me melt like this. Only one voice has ever had the magic to make me feel this way. But before I can delude myself further and allow the feelings that I buried long ago to take control, I turn around, and this time around, he lets me. He allows me to freely turn in his sweet embrace, and in a flicker, I am face-to-face with my ex, Liam Morgan Adams. In my bed. 

My heart skips several beats, and I feel the adrenaline rush tickle down my spine, erupting a catastrophe of mixed feelings. Old feelings, but they feel so raw. I should blink. I should release the breath I am holding. It would probably be wise to peel myself off his embrace and, better yet, spring out of bed. But I don’t do any of that. On the contrary, I find our eyes engaged in a dialogue that only they can understand. 

His beautiful blue eyes are glistering with sparkles of iciness and bleeding dominance, like always. The spark is still there, so fresh that it never lost its power on me. I know life enjoys fucking with me. I know fate relishes screwing me over and over again. But what is this? Haven't I had enough? Here I thought that perhaps finally fate decided to send a ray of peace and compensation for how it has continuously and mercilessly wrecked my peace for the longest time. But it seems I was being delusional. 

Of all the people, him? Of all the times, now? Really, God? In the midst of all these catastrophes, at my lowest and darkest point, in this quagmire of pain, you have drawn me into, you still want to complicate my life further? 

Why? Why, despite taking everything from me, am I still being reminded of the ones that I cannot have? What is this other sort of curveball that life is throwing at me? Is this another pain beckoning? He shouldn’t be here, for goodness sake! 

I should probably nudge him away now that I know this bitter reality. I have no right to be in his arms, but seeing him again after almost two years is bringing back a flood of memories that I cannot curb despite my wish to. Both the good times and the bad times, and everything in between, are flooding in like a river. 

I thought I had all of these emotions buried and forgotten, but I guess I was wrong. His presence emphasizes the phrase I never paid any heed to at all: that no feeling stays buried forever. Then again, I might be wrong on this too. Everyone in my situation would feel the same overwhelming nostalgia in such a situation. Everything is driving me into the depths of insanity. And everything about his strange presence right now is bringing back all the emotions I was keeping to myself these past days in streams of tears. The pain of everything I have not been able to share with anyone. 

The next thing I know, his fingers are kissing away my tears, and I lean in, seeking solace in him as I let it all out. It's wrong, I know. But I need to let this out somehow before it kills me. 

“It hurts so much, Liam. I am all alone. I want to die.” I whimper between sobs. 

“Ssshhh! Don’t say that, Lynn! I am here, right? You are not alone. You will never be alone!” He assures me in a soothing tone that threatens to lure me into its mockery. 

But how cliche can that ever sound? He is here. Why is he even here? How did he even get here? 

“I have lost everyone and everything. I am such an unfortunate soul. I just want to...” 

Before I can force words past the chuck that is blocking them at the throat, his lips unexpectedly crash on mine. I flinch, trying to comprehend what he is thinking right now or what is happening. But my mind is so blank, and the sentiments of his suggestive gesture bleed into what I yearn for the most right now.