Eenie, Meenie, Who Is My Dad?

Allison Moore hummed as she stroked the hair of her son, Noah, who seemed to have a lot of energy from all the chocolate he had consumed that evening. He was still too energetic to even consider resting.

"Can't sleep?" she whispered quietly, delicately kissing his forehead. The amount of love she had for her child was indescribable.

"Could you please read me a tale, Mommy?"

Looking at his son trying to appear adorable in order to get what he wanted, she couldn't help but giggle. His pale skin caused his cheeks to flush. Noah pouted, and his black brows almost met in the middle.

"Alright, but promise Mommy that you will sleep after this, swear?"

In unbridled delight, he nodded his head and his eyes sparkled. Seeing his happiness over the small matter, she got the storybook on the side and opened it to read to him.

"The baby pig was crying one day because he had misplaced his favorite toy, so his father promised to find him a new one. However, the baby pig was stubborn and insisted on having the lost toy, so the father pig was forced to swear that he would find the lost one."

Her gaze strayed to her son's face, and she took note of the quick range of emotions that appeared in his expressive eyes. She put the storybook down after seeing that and turned to face him.

"Are you hurt somewhere? Did something happen? Is my baby sad?"

It was clear that her son Noah was hesitant to express his true feelings to her. This bothered Allison. Although he was only three years old, he was already considering the words he should speak, so she realized he was intelligent for his age.

"I promise not to get angry, my love. Could you please tell Mommy what makes you sad?"

Noah's fingers fidget as he played them together, still thinking deeply about whether he would tell her or he would rather brush it off.

"Please..." But hearing her almost pleading voice, he looked at her with eyes swelling in tears.

That made her feel a pang in her heart. Allison never saw Noah looking wounded and she already had a clue what was to come.

"Do I have a daddy, Mommy? Why does the baby pig have his daddy but I don't have mine? Where is he, Mommy?"

The sudden burst of questions she heard from him practically slash a scar in her already rotting heart. Her mouth parted, wanting to say the unspoken words, the secrets she was desperate to hide, but nothing came out.

She was hurt beyond repair seeing Noah, in his state, looking vulnerable— which made him appear weak and like a real child longing to ask about his father. Despite having prepared herself and practiced what she would say in advance, Allison was nevertheless rendered speechless when the moment arrived.

All of the suppressed feelings—pain, regret, and other emotions—were now pushing their way to the surface of her mind and heart.

"Is Uncle Grayson my daddy? Why is he called uncle?"

It was like she lost the ability to speak hearing all the things she knew he would ask one day already happening right in front of her eyes.

"N-Noah," she failed miserably not to stutter after muttering his name.

When his tears began to fall, Allison forcibly covered her eyes so as not to show weakness in front of her son. She knew she had to respond and find a way to somehow answer the question. She knew she should not keep her son in the dark, but how could she tell him such painful truth about his father? It would be unfair to her son if she did. How could she hurt her son any more than that?

"My c-classmates, Mommy, they are all telling me stories about their father! I am the only one who doesn't have one... I want to have daddy too..." he sounded so miserable and hurting that she could feel that he felt like the world was unfair to him at that age.

"I'm sorry," she whispered in the air and hugged him tightly, and right there and then, while he was not seeing her face, her tears finally fell without warning.

'How long had he been feeling this way that he was crying loudly like this? What was I supposed to do if the truth would only hurt him more?'

"Who am I, Mommy? Am I bad? Am I being punished? I am the only one different! They all have their daddy!"

"I-I'm so sorry..." that was the only thing that she could say.

If only the gods could transform Noah's suffering into her own, she would happily accept it and claim it. He was everything to her—her reason for living, her purpose for existing—and now that her kid was suffering, her grief was multiplied twofold, leaving her with no choice but to question herself, especially as a mother to her son.

Even if she had the chance to go back in time and make different decisions, she would still choose to have Noah no matter what. If only she had been a little smarter and more cautious in the past. Yet Allison also knew, that without Noah, she would embrace giving up.

"Everyone says that I was a bad kid and that Daddy left me because of it! I will not eat many chocolates again, Mommy! I will always listen to you! Please, tell Daddy that Noah is already a good kid!"

As soon as she heard her son's desperation, she groaned in misery. She realized she could not tell Noah the answers, despite the fact that she had all the ones to his questions. On his already-bruised heart, how could Allison possibly leave another scar? How was that fair to her son? Never in a million years would she do anything to worsen his pain! The heart-shattering agony she went through would never be inflicted upon him!

"It's all mommy's fault, Noah, it's all m-mommy's fault..."

After wiping her tears, she slightly pushed him from the hug and held his shoulders, and smiled as if she was never hurt.

"Look at Mommy, hmm?" she mumbled and looked directly at his blurry eyes from all those tears. "Noah is a good kid. He is never bad! And mommy loves Noah so much! See this? This big!" Allison opened her arms wide as if she was demonstrating the amount of love she had for her son.

"You've been a good child, Noah. Don't listen to them, alright? Daddy... Daddy loves you for sure, and so do mommy! You are the toughest and the kindest son ever for mommy, so don't think of yourself like that, promise?"

He dried his eyes and pouted. "B-But where is Daddy? Why is he not here with us?"

The smile on her lips vanished for a while, but she tried to smile again for the sake of her son.

"Daddy... Daddy is just busy just like the Daddy pig in the story. He is trying to find something for us, and if he comes back, we will be very happy!" She smiled wide and tickled Noah, who was weak to that, and he ended up laughing.

"Mommy— tickles! It tickles!"

Both of them laugh as if the heavy thing did not happen between them at all. As if there were no tears that were shed.

Thankfully, Noah fell asleep after getting tired of their tickles. Allison kissed his forehead and hugged him as if she was finding refuge to end the strings that were hurting her still all those years.

She vowed to the universe to block all the things that would make Noah suffer, even though she had to keep the fact that his father left them for someone else.

The pain of the past had to stay there, she had no intention of making Noah experience getting rejected. She would never and she would make sure that Noah would always receive the love he deserves, the love that would cover even the absence of his father.

If lies were the only way to prevent greater pain, she would embrace lying. If making him believe the lies were the only way not to make him share the pain that she was feeling for years already, then she would gladly do it.

"I'm sorry, my love," she whispered while staring at his now peaceful place while asleep.

And even though there were painful memories that were overthrowing the good ones, she could not help but smile while remembering a funny part of her past. A part when she was still smiling and she was still unaware of the things that would soon unfold.

If only Noah knew, if only my son knew that a long time ago, back in the years when she was still ignorant of what had to come, he had not only one daddy but four--four gorgeous hot daddies.

She chuckled softly after remembering that.