Chapter 90

My eyes burn, I close them just so that the devastating feeling abandons me, but this gives freedom for my mind to work, and scenes like a roll of film unfolds in front of me. I watch myself doing everything I thought I was in the company of my friends.

I see the last dance. The dream of being in the arms of an angel who would relieve my pain. The cuts I made in the bathroom in my room. The costume of Alice in Wonderland that I've never used. The party where I drank several glasses of a bluish drink that never happened. The dinner I spent all my time alone in my room. The days in isolation without hearing anything but my own bumps on the padded wall. My individual escape to the sixth floor. The drawing on each of those that I imagined existed that I made in one afternoon, sitting alone in my "cup". The steps I took to get away from the parapet of the building on a rainy day. Alone, always alone.

My head is neither light nor heavy, it seems as normal as the