Secret Desires

Brenda’ Pov:

The chirping of birds outside, the light rays of sunlight escaping the small openings of my window, and the distant chattering of voices outside, indicated the dawn of another day.

I yawned, stretched on my bed, and felt very reluctant to get up. My name is Brenda, and I am a werewolf.

But unlike most werewolves, I was burdened with the inability to shift. This left me with a pathetic sense of self-consciousness and shame leading me to resolve to keep to myself.

I had no friends, and I cared less. I would rather be by myself than engage with people and conversations that would constantly remind me of my inability.

Not like I was oblivious to my condition, but it was better not to be reminded by others. They might not mock me to my face but will want to show sympathy and pity. I did not want that.

Every morning, the pack gathered together to perform tasks such as hunting. I waited in bed till I was sure they had all gone out for the day’s hunt before dressing up and leaving my room. I strolled around, not sure what to do this morning.

Maybe I would gather some firewood? Or just wait till they return and see if there is any task for me to do. I sighed tiredly. There is nothing special going on in my life. Just maybe if I could shift like everyone else and join them in the normal activities of a werewolf.

I was sure they were having fun in the forest in the company of each other. If I dared go into the depths of the woods, I would be shredded to pieces by other animals or even other werewolves.

“Why aren’t you with the others, hunting?” A thick masculine voice asked behind me and I turned round in fright.

“Uhm….” I did not know what to say. Was I just taken aback by his sudden appearance or carried away by his great looks? He was tall and fair, heavily built with an epitome of strength and vigor.

“You are not saying anything?” he spoke again, and the sound of his voice felt like ice on my chest. He did not look pissed even though I was not answering him. Instead, his voice was calm, and his countenance was like waves of an ocean in the silent night.

I just stood there, looking at him. I wanted to run away, but my legs were stiff. I was saved from having to say anything when someone approached us.

I knew him. Derek is one of the prominent werewolves in the pack. He is a very strong and fierce werewolf, and I had been familiar with him because of his duty to the pack. But I had never spoken a word to him, nor him to me.

“We are back from the hunt, Jason,” he told the charming man that stood before me.

“How is the kill?” Jason asked.

“Fair,” Derek replied.

“Alright, let’s quickly round up the activities for this morning,” Jason said, walking away. “And bring her along.” He added, referring to me.

Derek eyed me from head to toe like he was checking me out.

“Come along,” he said and without waiting to see if I would follow, began to leave. He had gone quite a distance before I got myself and started running after him.

We got to an open space where the other pack members were and Derek disappeared into the crowds. I stood with them. Everyone was talking except me. Well, I had no one to talk to.

“Hey, Brenda,” the lady beside me nudged me, and I turned to look at her. I was surprised she knew my name. I did not know hers, but she looked familiar.

“Hi,” I gave a small smile. “Good morning.”

“Good morning. Did you see our catch today? That is going to be a lot of meat,” she told me, and I nodded dryly. She went on to explain how the hunting went. I could hear her talk, and watched her lips and expressions, but I was not listening.

That was exactly what I always wanted to prevent. Having to hear the other members talk excitingly about their experiences and having nothing to say. I was glad when another lady tapped her and they began to talk, leaving me out of the conversation.

I looked ahead, watched the others, and did not listen to their banter. It was just like every other time I was with the other pack members. It felt like I was in a world entirely different from theirs. I felt separated.

I could not wait for us to be dismissed so I could go home to the comfort of my bed. Then I saw him far in front of the gathering, talking to a group of werewolves. The charming werewolf I had met earlier.

“Isn’t our beta hot?” The lady beside me nudged me again. I would have been pissed off by that, but I was more interested in what she had just said.

“Our beta?” I asked, looking at her.

“Yes, Jason. You don’t know?” she looked at me weirdly, and I stuttered. That was how badly I was separated from my pack.

“Why are you surprised? She always keeps to herself because of her insecurity,” her friend said casually.

I would have excused myself from these two. But I just stood there, wondering to myself and watching Jason. So I was talking to the beta? Or rather, he was talking to me because I did not say a word. I had not realized I was talking to someone of such a prominent position in the pack.

“He is the beta,” I murmured to myself, but they heard me.

“Why do I see admiration in your eyes,” she nudged me, smiling teasingly. Seriously? What is with the nudge? How do her friends cope with that?

“Just wait till you see Dominick, the alpha. Oh, you’d pee on your pants,” she said, rolling her eyes dreamily.

“Oh, Dominick is a fine young man, alright. But I think Jason is more handsome,” her friend argued.

“Have you any eyes?” she gasped. Again, they continued talking to their selves as if I was not there anymore. I sighed and turned back to look at Jason and found him looking at me! I gulped and almost choked on my saliva, quickly averting my eyes.

I pretended to be looking for something on the ground, and when I looked up, he was gone.