Chapter 2. The Consequences of an Impulse

Theo

The days that followed were lonely and filled with deep reflection. Juliano made no attempt to approach me and hardly ever appeared at home. The few times I saw him, he looked exhausted with dark circles under his eyes. But there was no point in worrying or blaming myself; after all, I was the victim in this story. At least that's what I thought until that afternoon when my sister decided to show up.

Bianca was my partner at the Atelier we set up with her and Juliano's help. There, she and I designed unique clothing pieces for independent boutiques, as well as launching future fashion trends for the LGBTQ+ community. Initially, we faced many difficulties in the German market, but once we became familiar with the language, the place, and the business, the Atelier took off and became a success not only here but also in other countries, including Brazil, from where we left with no prospects.

Thinking about Brazil made my heart ache with nostalgia because despite society being hypocritical and homophobic, it was still the place where I was born and raised. Leaving São Paulo was the hardest decision of my life, but I needed to live my love freely, to be who I am without fear of dying at every corner. That's why I researched a lot before deciding to come here and set up this business, and of course, Juliano's job opportunity also played a role, as he had received an offer to work at the German branch.

"Do you really think he's cheating on you?" she asked me again after I told her and showed her everything. I rolled my eyes and got up from the table to get more coffee.

"I wouldn't joke about something like this. He says he's not, but how can I believe him when there are so many videos and photos of them having fun together?"

"They're not kissing or being physically intimate," she pointed out, looking back at the photos and videos of this Daniel guy.

"Leaving me at home to travel and have fun like a single man is already a betrayal, and..."

"But you never wanted to go with him. You always prioritized your work, always made excuses not to go. I remember very well the vacation in Hawaii that Juliano planned to give you as a birthday gift, and you declined. He spent months planning the hotel, flights, accommodations, and excursions. He even rented a small island just for the two of you. I felt so sorry for him, Theo, when you said you wouldn't go, that the Atelier needed you, that you couldn't accept going on a trip fully paid for by him. You broke him that day, and you know it."

I lowered my gaze, remembering how ungrateful and cruel I had been to my husband, and none of the misfortunes I was going through justified such behavior. I sighed, admitting that my sister was right, and acknowledging that I had been a true monster. Sensing my silence, my sister held my hand and spoke with all her wisdom.

"You both made a lot of mistakes, Theo. You erred in not listening to each other, in not giving yourselves time, in not compromising, in not respecting each other. It wasn't just Juliano who betrayed. You also did when you put your work and ambition above what you have together. Remember when we were in school? No one wanted to be your friend when they found out you liked boys, but Juliano never cared about any of that. When you couldn't bear the judgmental looks from our parents and family, he defended you and brought you to a country where you can shout from the rooftops that you love and are married to a man. I'm not here to defend anyone, little brother, I'm not here to say who's right and who's wrong, but I think it's time to stop being immature and face your problems like the man you are. Talk to Juliano, express your grievances, and listen to him too, because I'm sure you're not the only one hurting. There's still a lot of love here; you just need to decide to live it."

Bianca finished speaking and hugged me, allowing me to cry on her shoulder and letting the loneliness I felt flow away. We rarely had deep conversations, but she has always been someone who supported me in everything, even leaving everything behind to come with me. Here, she settled down, started her family, and is very happy.

Her words echoed in my head, and all the hurt in my chest twisted and squeezed my heart. I was exhausted, but I really should reconsider my relationship with Juliano because even after all these years, I loved him like crazy, but pride was my greatest enemy. So I wiped away the stubborn tears and looked at her.

"I want your happiness, my brother, and sometimes we need to forgive to be happy," she said, caressing my hair. "Talk to each other, okay? Or go on a trip, I don't know."

"Go on a trip? With all this mess?" I asked incredulously. "Bianca, I don't know if you heard, but I'm in a relationship crisis. We can't just go on a trip and pretend like nothing happened."

"I didn't say that, Theo. I just had a great idea for you and my brother-in-law to decide if this is really what you both want."

"What idea?" I asked, curious.

"How about a honeymoon?"

"Are you crazy, sister?" I stood up, bewildered by Bianca's crazy idea.

“I'm helping you save your marriage, kid," she looked at me seriously as she gathered her things, walking towards the door. "Juliano is not the only villain here, and you know that. He tried so hard, sacrificed so much, and in the end, he's coming out as the dishonest one when you yourself provoked all of this. I don't condone cheating, but you're asserting something without any conversation, blaming him because you know that everything you're going through now is also your fault."

Bianca fell silent and took a deep breath, pacing back and forth, showing her nervousness but not a hint of regret. I was already crying because I knew she was right about everything. It was easier to put the blame on him and pretend I was a perfect husband when I hurt Juliano for years on end. Maybe that crazy idea wasn't so bad after all.