Chapter 3. Hidden Crises (3)

The nanny is sitting on the floor, with both of my children in front of her, playing and showing them different colors and shapes.

"Oh, Mr. Choi," she quickly stands up from the floor and bows. "You're home early."

"Yes," I say, smiling as I look at my little ones. "Can I join in?"

The girl smiles and nods, but pauses as she looks at me more closely.

"Are you okay? Do you need anything?"

I sigh wearily.

"You can tell I've been crying, can't you?" I ask her.

She blushes but nods slowly.

"It's fine. Go to the refrigerator and get two sodas, please."

Once again, she nods and goes to the kitchen.

I sit facing my children and reach for the teddy bear that always makes Nabi smile.

"Here, Mr. Choi."

I grab one and open it.

"Sit down and have one," I say. "Teach me the game."

Once again, I see the girl become shy, but as I requested, she sits down, crossing her legs and opening her soda as well.

"Like this."

I watch as she picks up one of the cloth dolls and starts telling a story with a different voice.

I laugh, momentarily forgetting everything and focusing on each laugh that Noram gives.

I feel warmth in my chest and even try to interact with them as well.

"I don't think I have the knack for this," I say to her, seeing her smile more comfortably.

"Noram loves the little fish, try that."

I reach for the blue fish from the stuffed toy box next to me, and as soon as I show it to him, my little one lets out a loud excited squeal.

"Oh my goodness!"

"I told you."

And that's how I spent the time. I managed to breathe a little with them, and when the nanny left, I had no trouble feeding them and putting them to sleep.

It was past ten when I decided to lie down, and that night, I did it alone.

I reached for my phone, finally paying attention to everything, and saw the countless messages from SiJoon.

"Please, answer my calls."

"It's not what you think."

"SooJin, please, let's talk."

I sighed, leaving the phone forgotten by my side, and let sleep overtake me, just to rest the vessel we call a body from everything surrounding it.

The night managed to erase me abruptly. Nabi and Noram didn't wake up that night, and it was only in the morning, with the sharp sound of my phone, that I woke up.

I rubbed my eyes, adjusting to the brightness and reaching for the device that won't stop ringing.

My eyes widen when SiJoon's name flashes on the screen.

I gulp, wondering if I should answer or not, but decide that it's best to hear him out, even if it's just to put an end to everything.

"SooJin?"

"What do you want?"

"I... I want to talk to you."

"Do you think we still have something to talk about, SiJoon?"

"Of course we do. I deserve to speak, don't I? I deserve to explain."

"Nothing you say will make me change my mind, SiJoon. I saw with my own eyes, the same woman who was rubbing against you was sneaking into your car."

"SooJin, please listen to me."

"No, I don't want to fall for your words anymore."

"SooJin, my love, it seems like you don't know me anymore."

"Why? Because you're the saint who cheated on me once with the first guy who showed interest during a trip, but won't cheat on me with the secretary offered?"

"Exactly. SooJin, I'm gay, did you forget?"

"That doesn't matter."

"Of course it matters. My love, please let me come back. I swear I'll explain everything."

I pause for a few seconds, seething with anger, but without a comeback to give. Finally, I give in.

"Fine... You can come."

I hear the stifled laughter he releases, and I can even imagine his expression when he does it.

"I'll be there in five minutes."

"Five? Where are you?"

"I'm at the little park in the complex. I was going to come over, but I was afraid of upsetting you... But I'm on my way. I love you, babe."

SiJoon ends the call in excitement, making me laugh unintentionally.

I observe my swollen face in the mirror in front of me and startle at what I see.

I quickly rush to the bathroom and wash myself as best I can. I find comfortable clothes and put on my silk robe, just waiting for him to enter.

And contrary to what I thought, he doesn't enter. I hear the doorbell ring, and surprised, I walk over and find him standing there.

"Love..." he says, looking at me. "You look beautiful."

"Where are your keys?" I ask, seeing him retrieve them from his pocket and hold them up. "And why didn't you use them?"

"Because, once again, I didn't want to upset you."

"Hmm."

"Can I come in?"

I shrug, watching him enter our house, still unsure of himself. SiJoon is still wearing the same clothes from the day before, but he carries a small rose with him.

"I stole it from the playground for you," he says, extending it to me.

I take it without showing any reaction, but I walk over to the couch, allowing him to sit too.

"Can I start?" he asks, clasping his hands together and fumbling, unsure whether to look at me or not.

"You should."

"Alright... I... I wasn't cheating on you."

"I've heard that part before. I just don't believe it."

"I really wasn't, SooJin, I swear."

"Then why was that same woman who was rubbing against you meeting you in the parking lot?"

"Okay... Um... That's Kang Lin. She did hit on me on the same day you saw us, but I didn't do anything with her."

"Oh, no? Then, how do you explain all of this?"

"SooJin, I'm gay! You know that better than anyone. I may be fucked up, but I would never fuck a woman."

"I haven't heard your explanation yet, SiJoon," I say, leaning back on the couch and tossing my robe to the side.

"She's been stalking me. Ever since she got fired, she blames me."

"Oh... So she followed you to get into your car? Please, SiJoon, come up with another story."

"I swear," she was there because I was going to take her to a friend's office. SooJin, you know how guilty I feel when someone gets hurt because of me. She told me and even showed me a photo of a child. She has a son, SooJin, how did you want me to act?"

"With your head, you idiot! If that's all it was, why didn't you just give her the address? Why did it have to be you taking her there?"

"Okay, I made a mistake in that part, but I didn't cheat on you, I swear."

"You don't know how suffocating this is for me, Seo SiJoon. I hate you right now, but I know it's because you're a damn idiot."

"Don't curse at me..."

"I curse! I curse a lot! You betray me, then lie and lie again, will it always be like this?"

"SooJin," he crawls to the floor in front of me, on his knees. "Love of my life..."

"Get up," I try to pull him back, but he's heavier than a giraffe.

"Believe me, please," he pleads, clasping his hands and looking into my eyes. "Please."

"I believe you," I say, giving him small taps on the shoulder, making him defend himself quickly. "But never again, listen well, Seo SiJoon, never again lie or hide something from me, understood?"

"I understand, I understand," he quickly says, seizing the opportunity to get up and pull me along, falling onto the sofa.

He tries to kiss me, but I don't let it be that easy, so I just move and don't allow it.

"Just a little kiss... Please..."

"Wait," I rise, still seeing him lying down. "Where did you sleep?"

"In the car," he says, getting up as well.

"Why didn't you go to a hotel?"

"Because I didn't remember they existed," he says, biting his lower lip. "I really forgot and slept in the back seat..."

"You idiot," I slap him on the shoulder again. "Come on, go take a shower, you stink."

"I will," he says, smiling and stumbling like a complete klutz. "Do you want to come with me?"

"I'm still angry, so no," I say, watching him become sad but nodding. "And look, when the babies wake up, it will be you who gives them a bath and feeds them. You'll pay a bit for what you did to me."

SiJoon nods, smiling, and heads to our room, while I remain on the sofa, staring at the rose he gave me.

Is everything really okay now?