Caught In-Between My Husband and His Lover

Rena

Hi, my name is Catalina Morena Rodriguez, but I prefer to be called Rena, a shortened version of my middle name.

My life has always followed a repetitive pattern, which is usually a relentless cycle of work, harder work, and simply pushing myself further than my physical capabilities.

It always seemed as though I'd always been on the receiving end of life's misfortunes, as if some dark curse clung to me, snatching away any trace of goodness I found.

I was born into a Mexican family, the eldest of four children, and being the firstborn, especially in a family like mine, has never been easy. My parents migrated illegally from Mexico to the United States when I was about a year old, and although I've spent my entire life in this country, it hasn't been easy for me at all.

Tragedy struck six years ago when my mother, Mariana, passed away, leaving me to shoulder the responsibility of caring for my three siblings.

Sebastian, my nineteen-year-old brother; Lucia, my seventeen-year-old sister; and Alma, my twelve-year-old baby girl, who also inherited the same diabetes that claimed our mother's life.

Nurturing and supporting them has been the most challenging task I've faced. Sadly, our no-good, deadbeat father has been absent from our lives for the past year, disappearing without a trace.

I have no idea if he's living or dead, and to be quite honest, I don't care. Eight years ago, Dad stopped being a father figure for us, and now that I am struggling so much, I can't afford to waste time worrying about his whereabouts.

I've lived a routine existence, and since work takes up much of my time, I don't have much time for dating. As a result, they frequently fail, with partners either having an affair while with me or telling me I'm not good enough.

Instead of wasting precious time on such connections, I dedicate my energy to my own life and goals, particularly ensuring that my siblings have a brighter life than I ever did.

Despite the challenges I faced as an undocumented Latino in the United States, I’ve remained steadfast in my pursuit of my goals. For someone in my situation, life might be twice as difficult, but I refused to succumb to the overwhelming odds, especially for the sake of my siblings, who rely solely on me.

At present…

I quickly leave the café since I don't want to be late for my next assignment. It's not exactly easy juggling three daytime jobs and one nighttime shift. Imagine this: From 8 a.m. to noon, I work as a nail technician, and from 12:30 p.m. to 3 p.m., I teach kindergarteners art.

Then, between 4 and 7 p.m., I work part-time at a café. After coming home, I sleep for three hours before heading out to my nighttime engagement at the nightclub, where I stay until 4 a.m. When I go home, I try to get a few more hours of sleep before the cycle begins again.

As I previously stated, my life is far from simple, leaving me little time to indulge in things that I would consider time-wasting. In my world, every second matters because time equals money.

I leave the café and make my way home, looking forward to a shower and some much-needed relaxation before my next round of duties.

I'm standing by the pedestrian walkway, waiting for the light to turn green so I can cross the street and catch the bus home. My focus is diverted, though, as my cell phone suddenly rings, and when I look at the caller ID, I see that it's my sister, Lucia.

I stop, unsure whether or not to answer her phone. My family, just so you know, seldom reaches out to one another through phone calls unless there is a specific need or an emergency, and right now, none of those possibilities sit well with me.

"What is it, Lucia?" I questioned her wearily, reluctantly answering her call.

"Can't you at least pretend to be excited to hear from me, sis? We haven't even seen each other in days," she grumbled, forcing me to roll my eyes.

I noticed the pedestrian signal had already turned green and began crossing the street. If you're by chance wondering why I haven't heard from my own sister in days, even though I live with her, well, it's because, as I previously stated, I'm constantly working, leaving me with little time to hang out or spend time with them, except maybe on weekends when my schedule eases up.

"Lucia, do me a favor and tell me exactly why you called. I'm in absolutely no mood for your nonsense," I snapped, my tone sharp.

"Okay, fine, Rena. I called to tell you about a school trip that I want to go on, and you need to pay for it," she blurted out rudely, and my blood began to boil.

"Really, Lucia? Really? You know very well that I don't have any money to spare for something as pointless as a school trip. Yet, audaciously, you call me without a hint of respect and ask me to foot the bill? What is wrong with you, young lady?" I yelled furiously, attracting the attention of the people at the nearby bus stop.

"Rena, you don't have to shout at me. I realize that you think these school excursions are pointless, but I really want to go on one. I'm weary of never being able to do the things that my friends do, and it's so aggravating that I'm always forced to cope with your unwillingness to allow me to do anything typical for a teenager my age. School excursions are not pointless, and perhaps if you were more open-minded, you might see that!" With that, she abruptly hung up.

That rude brat just hung up on me for no apparent reason.

Sometimes, I wonder why I didn't just place all three of them under the government's care when I had the chance.

After all, they are all legal citizens, so it would have been the logical thing to do. My life would have been ten times better without the kids, but I made the awful decision to become a mother to three children at the age of twenty. And those ungrateful little midgets nevertheless ended up like this.

With a heavy heart, I wearily boarded the bus, my shoulders slumped, and my mind filled with turmoil. There's nothing worse than dedicating your entire life to ensuring the best for others and never receiving a single word of gratitude.

Unbeknownst to me, a tear falls from my eye, which I quickly wipe away with my left palm. I can't afford to cry right now. If I do, it means I'm ultimately giving in to the difficulties life has thrown at me, and if I do, I've lost the battle—and surrendering is not an option.

Lucia and Sebastian may be the most unappreciative brats to ever walk this earth, but I have no choice but to continue taking care of them and watching out for their well-being.

I've come too far to give up on them now, and it may sound cliché, but I hope you understand my reasoning. Just imagine working tirelessly for so long, only to give up halfway through.

Why?

Simply because I feel they don't appreciate me enough? If I were to stop now, they would never have the chance to look back and truly understand the extent of my sacrifices and the love I have for them.

Not to mention my beautiful Alma, who spends a substantial amount of her days in hospitals undergoing diabetic medication.

Who would look after her if I threw in the towel? She doesn't have anyone else but me.

I take a nervous breath and decide to distract myself by looking out the window, hoping to clear my crowded mind.

While looking out, I spot two neatly dressed young women, who appear to be my age, going past the bus and into the red convertible parked in front.

I know deep inside that I'll never get to sit in such an expensive automobile, wear such costly clothes, or adorn myself with such excessive accessories. Even their little purses look opulent, and they would probably pay my rent for a few good months.

My mind roams wildly as the bus slowly begins to move.

What if, by chance, something extraordinary happened overnight and I found myself graced with the opportunity to walk into such a gorgeous automobile, dressed exquisitely and carrying a lavish purse worth a fortune?

I realize it's just wishful thinking at this point, but who knows? Maybe, just maybe, life has something nice in store for me, and all I have to do is wait patiently for it.