Chapter 2. Joy, Sorrow, Love, Loss, Death

ASHER

I suddenly stood up from my lying position on my bed because various memories suddenly entered my mind. Different memories about what happened to me in my two past lives.

I sat bolt upright in bed, my heart racing as if trying to catch up with the flood of memories crashing through my mind. It was as if a dam had burst, and suddenly, I was inundated with fragments of my two past lives, swirling around me in a dizzying whirlwind.

Every memory hit me like a tidal wave, overwhelming and unstoppable. I saw faces I hadn’t seen in years, heard voices long forgotten, and felt emotions so intense they threatened to engulf me. It was like reliving those two previous lifetimes that I had in the span of a single heartbeat.

It felt like I couldn’t breathe… as if I had run a great distance, and now I was chasing my breath while trying to understand what was happening to me. I closed my eyes, and one by one, my memories seemed to play in my mind like a movie fast-forwarded. Moments of joy, sorrow, love, loss, and even death played in fast forward, and although they were sped up, I couldn’t help but feel all the emotions all at once.

Tears slowly welled up in my eyes. I pulled my knees up to my chest on my bed, and I hugged them tightly as I cried and tried to stifle my sobs.

The memories kept coming, relentless and unforgiving, until I felt like I would be swept away by the tide.

But then, amidst the whirlwind of my past, one memory stood out like a beacon in the storm—the passcode to the vault Grandpa had left me… which I now know that I asked him in my second life to keep and give it to me now at my third life.

It was as if a guiding light had appeared, leading me out of the darkness and into clarity. With trembling hands, I punched in the number—one, zero, two, and two, each digit unlocking a piece of the puzzle until finally, with a click, the vault swung open. And there, nestled among forgotten treasures, lay the key to unlocking the mystery of my existence.

“1022… Right. Jackson’s birthday… and… and the day I said ‘yes’ to Dylan…” I couldn’t help but speak to myself.

I immediately saw the necklace with a key pendant engraved with the initials ‘A.J.’ that was given to me by the man I loved the most… Jackson. The man I loved in my first life… who reincarnated as Dylan with the same lovely face, and whom I also loved in my second life. The same face that I am sure I will seek in this life too… because I have no intention of loving anyone else but him.

Now that I remember almost all the important events in my first and second lives, I also vividly recall his gentle face. His fair and smooth skin… his bright eyes that glinted hazelnut brown when caught in the sunlight, his straight nose… and his lips, slightly thick on top and average below.

I hugged that necklace as if it were Jackson while tears continued to flow from my eyes. After doing that, I saw another gift from him… and this time, it was what Dylan gave me… a ring engraved with the word ‘Kingsley,’ his surname. It was his mother’s ring, and he gave that to me because it was his family’s tradition to give this … but unfortunately, something bad happened, so it never happened.

Like what I did with Jackson’s necklace, I also hugged the ring and tried it on my ring finger, but because I was only seven years old, the ring was too big for my finger.

Aside from the necklace and the ring given to me by Jackson and Dylan, another thing inside the vault was a white envelope… which I guessed could be a handwritten letter for me by Grandpa Nando.

And I was right because that white envelope has a text written in its back, saying, ‘for my grandpa and my grandson…’

I immediately opened the letter and read it.

To my dearest grandpa and grandson, Ash,

I wrote this today, the 23rd day of April, because I feel like I’m nearing the end because of my illness. I wanted to talk to you when you turn seven… when you remember your past lives. But… sorry, it seems like my body can’t wait for that anymore, so I decided to write this letter.

You know… I really didn’t know back then if I should believe your story that you remember your past life, but when I saw how much you resembled my grandson, I immediately believed what you said. Because… why wouldn’t I believe, when you yourself said that you’re sure you’ll be born again two generations after your generation… and you really look so much like my grandson?

Actually, when you moved here with my son and his wife, I didn’t know what to call you… but you said before that you’ll remember everything when you’re seven years old, so I decided to treat you as my grandson since you weren’t seven yet… and because you still haven’t remembered your two past lives, I didn’t want you to get weirded out about my actions towards you.

Grandpa, grandson Ash… I want you to live your life to the fullest… and I wish that you will find your greatest love in this lifetime… the reincarnation of Jackson and Dylan. And when you find him, get your happy ending, okay? Let’s manifest that you’ll have a happy ending… that you were really reborn again because destiny wanted to give you another chance for you and your greatest love to be together in this lifetime. Don’t worry, if God is real and I meet Him when I die, I’ll tell Him to grant your wish… because I know how kind-hearted you are… and I know how much you deserve a happy ending with your greatest love because of all the things you’ve been through in your two past lives.

Way to go, my grandpa and grandson, Ash! I’m rooting for you. :)

No matter how much I tried to hold back my tears, they just wouldn’t stop from falling from my eyes. I started to sob, and because I didn’t want Mommy and Daddy to hear me crying from the other room and worry, I hugged my knees again and buried my face there, and cried even harder.

As I cried, I could not help but wish to be a normal person—a person who doesn’t remember anything about his past lives. Because to remember your past lives is to remember all the loved ones you’ve lost… and you could not help but miss and long for them, and that somehow feels like a curse.