Chapter 3. Bonding with My Bully

“My brain hurts,” I said as I laid my head on my desk. It was the end of my first week as a professor, and I felt burned out.

“It becomes more manageable with time,” Austin said as he sat at his desk grading papers. Hammond entered our office a few minutes later.

“Good evening, my two precious philosophers,” he greeted us cheerfully.

“Argh, make him stop,” I complained.

“Your cheery nature is not welcome here,” Austin said bluntly.

“Have you already corrupted our new hire?” Hammond asked.

“Me? Corrupt someone? That involves too much socializing,” Austin said as he continued grading papers.

“That is exactly why I am here!” Hammond said excitedly. I groaned. “Come now. Let us celebrate a successful first week,” Hammond asked in a pleading manner. I gave in.

“Fine,” I said as I sat up and started gathering my stuff.

“Have fun,” Austin said.

“You are coming too, you god damn hermit!” Hammond declared.

“Over my dead body,” Austin told him with a stern expression.

“Then consider yourself deceased,” Hammond declared as he went over to him and yanked him up. “You are going to be joining this week’s team-building activity with the rest of the humanities professors,” Hammond said in a threatening manner.

“All you kooks do is get drunk,” Austin complained.

“And you will be getting drunk with us. Now onward!” Hammond demanded. I laughed lightly as I walked out. Hammond had to drag Austin out of the office, but once he was in the hallway, he let him go. “Now, I expect to see both of you at the Pauper Bar in 30 minutes. Or else…you’re fired,” Hammond said. Austin sighed in resignation, and I laughed. Hammond was very comical for a tenured professor turned dean.

“We will be there,” Austin assured. Hammond practically skipped away at his confirmation. When he was gone, Austin turned to me. “Kill me and make it look like an accident,” he pleaded. I laughed.

“It cannot be that bad, Austin,” I reassured him.

“All of the art professors will be there, and they are all women. Every time they see me, they harass me,” Austin said. “And I am sure you do not stand for harassment either. Once they see you, the game is over. They will call you a boy toy just like me,” Austin warned.

“I doubt I have anything to worry about,” I disbelieved. He looked at me in annoyance and reached out to touch my hair.

“Shaggy ebony hair, porcelain skin, and stunning blue eyes? And you think lonely older women will not swoon at the sight of you?” he asked. I blushed at his description of me. He shook his head. “Do not be stupid. They will be trying to take you home, like some stray kitten.” I fell silent as he fretted over the situation.

“Then let us look out for each other. If we stick together, it may not be as difficult to avoid them,” I offered. He looked pensive for a moment.

“Fine,” Austin agreed.

“Then let us head out. I can drive,” I said as I held up my keys.

“Okay. My condo is right down the street from the bar, so you can park it at my place,” he nodded.

“Sounds like a plan,” I agreed. We headed out.

I was surprised to learn that Austin’s fears were valid when we arrived at the bar. The dean had reserved a large VIP room for our group, and as soon as Austin and I walked in, the bombardment began by a group of women.

“There’s the Adonis of our campus,” one woman praised Austin’s good looks.

“With a mind just as beautiful to boot!” another woman commented. They were obviously tipsy already, but it only made the situation worse.

“You can eat crackers in my bed,” one woman flirted. It was then that she noticed me. “Oh, my lord!” she squealed as she came over to me. “Are you the new philosophy professor?” she asked. They all turned their attention to me now.

“So young, so handsome!”

“But so skinny! You should eat more!”

“How about I cook your dinner this weekend?”

“I can offer more than a meal!” I was becoming overwhelmed by the women who swarmed me.

“Cut it out!” Austin intervened and grabbed me, dragging me away from the group of cougars that was out on a hunt.

“Now, ladies, do not scare off our newest professor, please,” Hammond addressed the women as Austin dragged me over to a table.

“Oi, waitress!” he called over a young woman. “Get us a bottle of your best white wine,” he instructed.

“Yes, sir,” she nodded and scurried off. Austin sat down and sighed depressingly. I watched as Hammond tried to wrangle in the group of women.

“Do not fret, newbie,” an older man at the table next to us reassured.

“They are just foolish old women. They mean no harm,” the man next to him said.

“Thank you,” I smiled at them.

“You are Edgar Crown, right?” the older man asked. I nodded. “I am Father Grant, and this is my associate, Father Lewis,” he introduced.

“Ah, you are the theology professors?” I asked.

“We are,” Lewis nodded.

“I am surprised to see two priests at a bar,” Austin commented.

“We are only drinking some fizzy water,” Grant lifted his cup. “Hammond was dead set on having all of us get together this time,” he explained.

“It had been almost a year since the last time we were all gathered,” Austin noted.

“It is not too bad to spend time with our colleagues, even if some of them cannot hold their liquor,” Lewis chuckled. I could tell he was referring to the women.

“People just have fun in many different ways,” I offered. They all nodded in agreement. After making small talk for a few minutes, we experienced a loud interruption by some of the art professors.

“Time for shots!” Two of them grabbed Austin and me and yanked us out of our seats.

“Why not the priest?” I asked as we were the only two dragged away.

“We need them to put in a good word for us!” One of the professors joked. Austin and I became hassled by the women to stand in front of a table covered in vodka shots.

“I refuse,” Austin said as he stood his ground.

“How about a bet?” One of the women asked.

“Not falling for it, Tabitha,” Austin snapped at her. Tabitha grinned and turned to me.

“How about you?” she asked.

“I do not gamble,” I admitted. She gave a coy look.

“Then have a shot for some liquid courage,” Tabitha offered. “Unless you want to be sober when we play spin the bottle,” she chuckled.

“As if we would ever play such a stupid game with you,” Austin turned to Hammond. Hammond looked away with a guilty expression. “Hammond?” Austin asked angrily.

“I might have let them vote on what activity we would do…” Hammond confessed.

“How the hell did spin the bottle end up on the table?” Austin yelled.

“I…also let them pick an activity to add to my choices…I never thought they would vote on it in unison,” Hammond confessed.

“If I have to kiss old women because of you, I will kill you,” Austin threatened.

“Hey! We are all in our thirties! It is not like you are kissing a grandmother!” Tabitha shouted.

“As a 23-year-old man, I should not have to kiss anyone over the age of 25,” Austin said.

“Then, for tonight, we are all 25,” Tabitha smiled. Austin glared at her. It seemed like we had no choice in the matter. I found it comical, and I had no issues with kissing an older woman. It was just a fun game that reminded me of my time in college. I laughed lightly at the thought.

“What is so funny?” Austin asked me.

“Oh, just how similar this is to my time abroad. I have ended up playing more spin the bottle in my lifetime than I can recall,” I explained.

“You must be a good kisser, then,” Tabitha said.

“Ha. I doubt it works like that,” I laughed. Austin grimaced. I saw him reach for two shots. He handed me one.

“Since you are so confident, I am sure you will not be opposed to drinking with me until I am just as confident?” He was challenging me more than asking. I took the shot from him.

“Cheers,” I chuckled.