Chapter 4. Dictate

I sorted out the sack filled with dried leaves that had fallen from the narra and mango trees beside the house. It had been a day since we returned, and until now, Roy and I hadn't really talked much, even though he continued to act as if our previous conversation hadn't happened. 

He still came too close, while here I am doing my best to maintain a civil demeanor. Our stay there didn't take so long, as Auntie Anne was also occupied with her work. We hardly spent time resting, as she had initially planned before we left. 

I wiped the sweat from my forehead with a raised eyebrow, rushing to finish the task before entering the house. I hadn't started cooking yet. Roy and I exchanged glances as I entered the kitchen, not expecting to see him there. 

"You're sweating," he remarked. 

"It's hot outside," I simply replied, grabbing a glass to drink some water. 

I waited for him to bring down the water bottle so I could pour myself into my glass, but he beat me to it, pouring the water into my glass by himself. I just thanked him and took a sip from my glass, looking away. I nearly choked when a moment later, Roy stood in front of me without his shirt on. 

My eyes widened as I paused in my drinking, feeling his hand gently lift my hair and wipe my neck with a cloth. When I managed to recover, I blinked and pushed him away. It seemed that with Auntie Anne and her two children away, he felt emboldened to do this. Without her wife here, I was sure he felt more confident in his actions. They left, with Ate Anne saying she needed to make amends with her children. She was supposed to take Roy with her, but the next morning, I found him in the kitchen. 

-flashback-

"Ina, we'll be gone for a few days. I need to make amends with my children. I wanted to take you with us, but it's not possible since there's no one else to be here at home," she said. "You'll be alone for now." 

"It's okay, Auntie Anne. It's really my job, and besides, I've been with you during the last vacation," I replied. 

She smiled at me. "We'll be back soon. I just need to smooth things over with my kids." 

"We both know how much they love you. For sure they will forgive you," I said, comforting her. 

"I'm still hoping they'll forgive me," she said sadly. "And you know, Roy... I'm hoping he can help me with this." 

"He'll surely help you," I assured her. 

-End of Flashback-

Then Roy interrupted my thoughts. "Come on, Ina. You're sweating too much." 

He was pulling me closer to him. His act of taking off his eye glasses and displaying his body in front of me didn't help my situation at all. "I-I'll do it," I said, taking his shirt to wipe my face. 

I noticed a slight smile on his face that disappeared quickly, probably realizing that I had caught him staring. 

"I'll just wash this shirt; it's dirty. I'll get you a new one," I said. 

"No need. It's hot anyway," he replied. 

I took a step back when he continue to stare at me while stretching his arms beside me. I was so close to hitting him not until I noticed he was holding a glass of water. He raised it as if telling me that he had just taken it. I didn't pay him any mind and went outside to get his shirt. 

I was currently inside their closet when I heard the door close. I quickly looked at Roy, who had closed it. I grabbed what I was holding and silently approached him, handing it over. I didn't say a word and headed towards the closet's door to exit, but he blocked it with his arm before I could leave. 

"How long are you going to avoid me?" he asked. 

I bit my lower lip, restraining myself from speaking. 

He sighed loudly. "Ina," he called my name. "It's been what? Days? A week?" 

"I don't have anything to say," I replied. 

"Can you just stop what you're doing right now? We are not a mere child," he said, sounding annoyed, but then he chuckled. 

"I am not trying to be disrespectful, but I also need to cook so you can eat." 

"No, you won't leave here until you acknowledge me." 

"I already did, Roy. What acknowledge you want me to do?" I retorted. 

"Yes, you did, but not like before." 

At that moment, I redirected my full attention to him. "What do you want?" 

"It's simple. Talk to me like before. Go along with my antics. Take care of me, and, most importantly, don't avoid me as if you don't know me." 

"First of all, I am talking to you. Second, I take care of all of you. Third, I'm not avoiding you as if I don't know you. Fourth, I still go along with your antics—" 

"No, you are not!" he interrupted. "You didn't even look at me until I approached you first. You don't get angry anymore! You don't even notice what I'm doing! You don't get mad!" 

I bit my lip, confused. "What's happening to you?" 

"If I told you that I like you, would that be reason enough for me to act like this?" 

I closed my lips upon hearing that. If I was surprised earlier, now I couldn't contain my shock. I was forced to laugh. "I hope you don't repeat that joke to other women; it sounds really awful, especially since you're married," I said. 

"I'm not joking," he said seriously. 

"Come on, Roy," I chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. "I hope you don't repeat that to other women; it's a really bad joke." 

"I'm serious, Ina. I've thought about it for a long time, and I've been asking myself every night what I really feel. This is it. Everything's clear now." 

"But that's wrong, Roy. It's really wrong," I said, trying to regain my composure after being momentarily stunned by his confession. 

"I know!" 

"So, if it's true, stop it," I continued. 

"I can't just stop it like that, Ina. You can't dictate what your heart wants," he replied. 

"Then dictate it. I'm working here properly, and I don't want to lose my job because of... because of this attraction you're talking about. Besides, you're married, so it's only right that you don't develop feelings for someone else." 

"I've tried, Ina. I've tried, but I can't help it! What do you want me to do? It's too late now. I've fallen for you. I know I'm married, and I know it's wrong, but what can I do!" he almost shouted, arguing with me. 

"I don't know. Why are you asking me? It's your problem, not mine. Resolve it and go back to Auntie Anne. Don't give her a second trauma. We both know... we're aware of what happened in her past relationship, Roy." 

"You don't understand. It's not that easy, Ina. It's not easy to just decide what my heart feels and go back to my wife. I don't feel anything for her anymore. I don't love her—" 

"Think back to why you married her in the first place. Remember the times that led to your marriage, not just because you don't love her anymore, then you will look for someone else—" 

"I didn't look for someone else, Ina. I just woke up one day and realized I liked you, and I woke up one day without any love left for Anne." 

"But that doesn't mean you should just let it go. If you were a decent partner, you wouldn't just let it be. You'd leave one person and tell your feelings to the other. I hope you've also thought about how Auntie Anne will feel if she finds out about what you're doing." 

"Fine, I'm wrong! I admit my mistake as a married man. But, Ina, I don't think these feelings for someone especially for you will disappear so quickly." 

"If you can't make it go away as quickly as you say, then I'll make sure it does. Do whatever it takes to get rid of those feelings." 

"And did you ever think... you said all this to me even though I know you're married. What do you want? Do you want me to be your mistress? I rather die right now than be a mistress. I will never become a mistress to a married man, that's fucking disgusting. I can't help but think that if you can do this to Auntie Anne now, it's not far-fetched that you'll do it to other women too especially to me and that is if I will give you a chance." 

I just shook my head in disappointment, unable to believe he had this side to him. I hadn't expected this at all. Slowly, he lowered his arm that had been blocking the door, giving me a chance to exit and leaving him inside.