Chapter 2

It was just 8 a.m., and since Mama’s shift would start at 8:30 a.m., she decided to stay with us here in my hospital room.

It had been three days already since I was confined here, and usually, after two days of being confined, Dr. Angel would advise me to go home as my condition usually becomes normal after two days. Still, since I already had a heart donor and they would be preparing me for the heart transplant tomorrow, I would still be staying here.

It was a good thing that it was still our summer vacation, and our classes would start next month because, as far as I could remember, Dr. Angel told us that if my heart transplant pushed through, I would need to stay here for two more weeks so they could closely monitor my condition and I would need to have my regular check-ups.

We talked about so many random things (about where we should go celebrate after my heart transplant, mostly) before Mama left for work.

My breakfast, which was from the hospital’s kitchen, finally arrived right after Mama had left my room. Honestly, it’s true that hospital food is too bland, but I had no choice but to eat this food that they had just served to me because this was planned by Dr. Angel as she said that I need to have a strict healthy diet so that my condition would get better.

“Do you want me to get some food delivered here? You can eat them as your side dish…” Lance probably saw my facial reaction as I was opening the hospital food. That was why he suggested such.

“No need.” I shook my head and then proceeded to eat.

Nothing much happened for the rest of the day. Lance and I just watched some random films on Netflix, and I did not even feel that I had fallen asleep in the middle of the third film that we were watching.

It was around 4 p.m. when Lance awakened me for the medicines that I needed to take at that hour. He also bought a porridge, probably from the cafeteria near here. I didn’t know why, but I felt like something was off with Lance. His energy seemed off compared to his energy earlier.

I wanted to ask him what was the matter, but I did not, as I felt like he was still not ready to talk about it. Lance and I were open to each other, so I knew whenever he was still uncomfortable about opening up.

As I was eating the porridge, I felt my phone vibrating beside me, so I immediately checked who had just sent me a message.

From: Mama

Leslie, dear… :(

“Lance… why… why did Mama send me a message like this? Why is there a sad face emoji? Did… did something bad happen?” I let Lance take a look at my phone, and after seeing Mama’s message, I saw the tears that were slowly forming in Lance’s eyes.

After a few seconds, those tears fell from his eyes, and I immediately asked him, “Why? What’s the matter?” Worriness was very evident in my tone of voice.

“Your heart transplant will not push through tomorrow, Les…” He then wiped his tears and sighed deeply. “There’s a much more critical patient than you… and that critical patient was at the top waiting list for heart donors right now, so the heart that was supposed to be yours… would… would be given to him.” He was trying his hard to stop himself from crying, and his voice broke as he said those words.

The next thing I knew, I was already crying, too, and Lance immediately hugged me and rubbed my back.

Because of crying, I was not able to finish eating the porridge Lance had bought outside. I just decided to lie in bed and cry there in silence. Lance kept on asking me to stop crying already, as he knew it was bad for me, but I just could not stop my tears from falling.

I didn’t know how long I was crying, but I was just able to stop it when I fell asleep because of it. I really love sleeping. Whenever I was asleep, I felt like I was in a different world. And in that world, I had no problems. My loved ones and I had no problems. This was probably the reason why I loved sleeping. Because I never had any bad dreams in my life. It was probably because of the dream catcher that Papa hung at my bedroom door and probably because of him, too (he was probably protecting me from above).

I was just an eight-year-old kid when Papa died because of a stroke. As per the doctor, the oxygen supply in his brain was insufficient, which then put him into permanent sleep. I could still clearly remember the exact moment when he was not waking up, even if Lance was already crying in his arms as he was trying to wake him up. Before his body was brought to the morgue, our grandmother told us to whisper our wishes and deepest desires in his ear, as doing so would make those wishes and desires come to life.

I did not know what to wish for back then, so I just whispered what randomly came into my mind at that moment. I wished that my disease would soon be cured and that I would never have a bad dream. Well, my second wish came true right away, but my first wish still hadn’t.

It was already 8 p.m. when I finally woke up. It was just in time for dinner and for my maintenance medicines.

As soon as Mama saw me finally awake, she immediately brought me my maintenance medicines and a glass of water. I noticed that her eyes were puffy. She probably cried earlier, like Lance and I did.

“I bought you some food outside… I figured you’re already craving food outside this hospital.”

Mama then prepared the food that she bought (chop suey, a stir-fried vegetable dish, and two cups of rice). As she was preparing the food, I looked around the room and saw that Lance was sleeping with his mouth open, and Jessie was busy with her laptop while her earphones were in her ears. She was probably watching a Korean drama.

Even though I really had no appetite (probably because of the sadness I was currently feeling), I still forced myself to eat the food as I needed it, and I also did not want Mama to be worried about me.

“Your brother had just fallen asleep. His mouth’s been like that earlier… Jessie even saw him like that. What an embarrassment…” Mama clicked her tongue before laughing a bit.

“I think it’s just fine, ‘Ma. Jessie’s probably used to it already.” I laughed, too.

When Jessie noticed that I was already awake, she immediately stopped watching, walked to me, and hugged me tightly. She did not say anything; she just hugged me tight, and it was enough for me. It was also good that she did not say anything anymore because if she did, we would probably be bawling our eyes out at that moment.

After that hug, she let me eat my dinner and then went back into her Korean drama world.

After I finished eating, Mama had already told me that she would be going home as it was Lance’s turn to stay with me here. Jessie did not really plan on coming back here, but because Lance could not fight his sleepiness anymore, he asked Jessie if she could come over so that she would be the one to watch me while he would be sleeping for a while.

“I’m really proud of you, Les. You’re so strong.” Mama hugged me tightly. “A new heart donor will come soon… so do not get discouraged, okay?” She then pinched my chin and hugged me tight again.

“Thank you for not giving up on me, Mama… thank you so so so much.” I rubbed her back as we were still hugging.

Before she went home, she bid goodbye to Jessie, and Jessie waved goodbye to her and finally closed her laptop.

As Mama left the hospital, Jessie and I decided to watch a film on Netflix. I told her the films that Lance and I watched earlier, so we picked a genre that Lance and I weren’t able to watch—comedy. We also felt like we needed a good laugh, so it was a good choice to choose such a genre. Besides, we did not want to get stressed while watching as we were already stressed in real life.

After watching a comedy film, Jessie and I talked about our incoming major subjects. Both Jessie and I were Pharmacy students, and we were both attending the same university, Magdalene University, one of the top Pharmacy performing schools. We were incoming sophomore college students, and as far as we knew, our major subjects got harder every year, so we could not help but feel nervous as we were talking about it.

“I could not wait for you to get your heart transplanted…” Jessie randomly opened up. “Because once your heart gets better, I know that you will be able to live a normal life. A life that you have been wanting to live ever since. A life where you don’t have to follow a strict healthy diet, a life where every one of us would not be worried about you once you feel a strong emotion, a life where you could do things without worrying about whether your heart could take it…”

“You know, I don’t really pray to God, but because I’m desperate about seeing you live a normal life, I’m praying every night to him to give you a heart donor already…” Jessie’s tears fell down her cheeks, and my tears did the same.

“I cannot wait for that day to happen, too, bestie. Thank you so much for always being here… thank you so much for always being with me in this fight…” I hugged her really tight.