Chapter 3

Lucy felt overwhelmed.

But it was understandable. She had gone through a moment that, from her perspective, was almost maddening.

She had almost kissed Ryeon. Almost...

Jaesun still stared at her, expecting more than just that short sentence, but the girl only took a deep breath and widened her eyes even more.

"Why are you going crazy?" he asked, realizing she wouldn't speak without further prompting.

"Because of Ryeon, that's why!"

"Come on, explain it to me properly, I'm not a mind reader."

Jaesun leaned back on his desk again. He rested his hands on the table and rested his head on them, still looking at his friend.

"He asked us to share the earphone and listen to music."

"But you always do that."

"Yes, but it was different, you know? I felt like he... for a moment, wanted to kiss me."

"Like, on the lips?"

Lucy simply nodded, running her hand through her hair and tossing it to the side, still nervous.

"And why didn't you kiss him?" Jaesun asked. "Isn't that what you've wanted since you were twelve?"

"Thirteen," she corrected. "But that's not the point, oppa," she said, leaning in to whisper. "He doesn't know anything about me."

"And he'll never know unless you tell him," Jaesun whispered back at the same volume. "I've already told you, I support you, and Ryeon will definitely support you too."

"I doubt that... No one supports who I am," she lamented.

"Stop being silly, I support you, and I'm no one, I'm your best friend. But you need to speak up, especially to your parents, and stop taking those unprescribed pills. Sooner or later, it will become evident, and what will you do then?"

Lucy had been taking some hormones she bought online, but it hadn't been long, and her body was practically the same as before. Jaesun argued and even tried to take them away and prohibit her from taking such things without medical supervision. But he knew he wouldn't have support from anyone other than himself. If it weren't for that, how could she continue?

"When that happens, oppa, I'll already be far away," she said excitedly. "I'll be myself and in control of my own life."

"You know I'm against all of this. I mean, doing it this way. You're in control of yourself anyway. But this can even kill you if taken irresponsibly. You're not even buying it from a pharmacy or a proper place. You're getting it through smuggling! Who guarantees that it's really female hormones?"

Jaesun saw in the girl's eyes that she genuinely didn't want to do it this way.

"I just can't stop, oppa. I can't..."

The boy sighed. That subject wasn't new, and he knew how persistent Jeon could be.

"Changing the subject," he said, sitting back on the chair. "Did you see Mark?"

"Here?" she referred to the school. The boy nodded. "I rushed in, Jae, I didn't notice who was in the way."

"I wanted to ask if he's going to the dance..." he muttered.

"Are you going to invite him?"

"And face rejection from the new guy, who's both a nerd and too attractive? No, Lu, I'm not going to do it. But I thought that by getting closer, we could talk at the dance. That is, if he doesn't go with an overly clingy partner."

"Jae, you sigh for him every time he walks through that door. You need to ask him out!"

"Really? And why don't you ask Ryeon out?"

"It's different."

"It's nothing."

"Yes, it is. Ryeon doesn't know anything."

"I don't know what?"

And at that moment, Lucy froze.

She had never turned so quickly to look at someone as she did with Ryeon.

"Nothing," she said, avoiding eye contact, fidgeting with her backpack, eager for Ryeon to go to his usual spot there, where he always sat behind Jaesun.

But on that day, it seemed like the entire universe was playing with the girl's sanity, because her heart wanted to jump out of her mouth as soon as she noticed Ryeon calmly placing his backpack on the desk next to hers, smiling at her as he sat down.

"Look there," Jaesun nudged his friend, sighing.

The girl lifted her gaze and saw Mark entering the classroom.

His neatly groomed brown hair revealed all of his extraordinary beauty, just like his intelligence.

Jaesun sighed once again, resting his cheek on his right hand.

Mark adjusted his glasses and smiled in their direction, then lowered his gaze and sat a few seats away, always too close to the blackboard.

"I'm going to marry him," Jaesun muttered.

Lucy simply smiled, then heard Ryeon's soft laughter. She glanced at her friend and saw how his small hands tapped on the desk to the rhythm of the music they had listened to on the bus.

The music that from that moment on Lucy already considered theirs.

Even though there was no "them" in the world.

The teacher entered the classroom, interrupting Lucy's daydreaming. She quickly asked everyone to take out their books and open them to the correct page.

They would be studying human biology that morning.

"Couldn't it be a different topic?" Lucy complained to herself, searching for the page in her book.

"Talking to yourself?" Ryeon asked, leaning in a little until he had the girl's attention.

"It's just nonsense in my mind," she replied softly.

"There's something different about you, Woojin, but I don't know what it is."

The girl didn't want to pay attention to that, but Ryeon kept looking at her, and her body tingled just from noticing it.

"Like what?" she asked without looking at him.

"I don't know," Ryeon said, still looking at her. "Maybe it's your hair?" He lightly touched the long strands. "They look so beautiful... you're growing them out, and I like it."

Lucy smiled softly, looking at her hair cascading over her shoulders. She glanced at Ryeon as he continued touching them and looked away, feeling affected by everything about him.

"Pay attention, or Miss Hyejin will complain," she requested, shifting her focus back to the book.

Lucy was practical, making Ryeon release her hair before she fainted right there.

He complied with her request. He straightened up in his seat and focused on the reading that was starting at that moment.

Alone, the girl released the air trapped in her lungs. She could sense Jaesun's smile right behind her, even without looking at him, but she made a point to glance back and confirm. Kim raised his eyebrows and glanced between her and Ryeon.

She tried not to pay attention, returning to her reading.

She needed to concentrate with determination until her thoughts were solely focused on what mattered there, studying.

She couldn't get caught up in trivial matters. Her only way out of the life she had was through a full scholarship in Seoul, and that, she would strive to achieve with all her might.