Chapter 4

"Are you going to stay like this, Jaesun?" Ryeon asked while eating his peach jelly sandwich.

He couldn't stand seeing his friend sighing around, completely infatuated with the new guy, and he couldn't understand why Jaesun hadn't approached him yet.

"When you wanted to kiss Kuan, you went straight to him, didn't you?" Lucy exclaimed, biting into her plain oatmeal cookie.

She hated that.

But according to her mother, a good diet is what makes a human being.

Nonsense, she wanted to be eating Ryeon's sandwich, and if possible, with Ryeon, like the Lady and the Tramp scene where they share the spaghetti.

"Did I hear my name?"

All three of them sitting at the table looked up and found the guy standing there.

Jaesun rolled his eyes, he loved teasing Kuan.

"Yes, we were talking about you and how much of a pain you are," he joked.

"Is that still love, right?" Kuan smiled, sitting right next to him.

"Where's your boyfriend?" he asked, looking at him.

"He's coming," he shrugged and took out a container with sliced oranges.

Jaesun thought that was too fussy.

"Look, Jae, you're going to miss it."

Ryeon jokingly spoke, but for Jaesun, it was more than serious.

He saw Sun leaning in and laughing while touching Mark's shoulder.

Jaesun wanted to spit fire.

"Does she want everyone? Isn't she your girlfriend, Ryeon?"

"She's not mine," he defended himself.

"What's up with the new guy?" Kuan asked, looking at Mark and the girl.

"Jaesun wants to marry him," Lucy explained, and she only saw her friend nodding, still fixated on the scene right in front of them.

"Then why haven't you approached him yet? You approached me when you wanted," Jaesun rolled his eyes again.

"It's different, Kuan. You're not... all that," he sighed once more.

"I feel offended, you know," he said, putting another piece of orange in his mouth. "If I weren't with Daniel, I'd take the tall one just to beat you."

"I'd break your shins," he replied angrily, but Kuan just smiled, not paying much attention.

The break time continued as usual. There was chatter, silly jokes, and even fights.

Ryeon constantly tried to talk to Lucy, and she tried to focus, but she saw his lips, and she thought about what had happened earlier.

She wished she could be the girl she is because she would definitely be kissing Ryeon at that moment without anyone finding her repulsive or him running away.

They moved on to the remaining class time, finally having math classes.

Jaesun had never liked math as much as he did that semester. According to him, the universe was finally being kind to him by pairing him with Kim Mark in that subject.

Lucy observed how her friend smiled crookedly and lowered his gaze multiple times, completely disoriented by the other guy being so close.

She found it funny to see Jaesun so determined about some things and so sluggish about others.

But her attention always shifted, and it wasn't for the incomplete exercise in her notebook.

Her attention always went to Ryeon and Sun, right in front of them.

Lucy never liked the girl very much; she was somewhat annoying, and it seemed like that feeling only grew every time she saw them together.

"What's the need to mix letters and numbers?" Daniel, Lucy's partner, complained, looking at the equation as if it were a monster.

"It's to complicate everything, you know?" Kuan, who was standing behind his boyfriend, replied. "Do you want to escape for a quick make-out session?"

"Don't you dare!" Lucy responded, holding her partner's arm as he was about to stand up. "We need to finish this, or I'll stop doing it with you, and you'll get a huge zero."

The boy wanted to complain, but he had no choice, so he huffed and returned his gaze to the notebook, while Kuan complained more than an elderly person waiting in line to buy bread.

When all the classes came to an end, Lucy felt somewhat relieved.

She felt good about finishing another day at school, but she felt bad about having to go back home.

"I hate you, Jaesun," she said, almost whining.

"Sorry, but it's my dad. I have to go to his place today."

"Why did your parents have to split up now?"

Her friend just laughed, hugging her to say goodbye.

Then she saw him leave and walked alone to the bus stop.

"Hey, wait for me!"

Lucy heard Ryeon's voice and saw him running towards her like crazy. She didn't want to, but she felt good for a moment knowing that she would be going back with Ryeon.

Who knows, maybe they could listen to music again?

"Why didn't you wait for me?" the boy asked, out of breath, keeping up with her slow steps.

"Because you were talking to your dance partner, and I didn't want to interrupt."

"That's nonsense. But if you want to know, we were actually talking about the dance. We won't be going together anymore."

"What do you mean we won't be going together?" Lucy stopped abruptly, causing Ryeon to bump into her.

What did that mean?

"She said she thought she liked me, but realized she doesn't," he said, rubbing his arm, which hurt from the collision. "And she wants the intellectual one."

"Who?" Lucy frowned again.

"Mark. She said she thinks she's in love with him, so she was going to try to ask him to the dance."

"Jaesun will have a fit if that happens before he musters the courage to approach Kim," she replied, shaking her head and continuing to walk. "He really wants to ask him to the dance."

"I thought the same thing, and you know what? Mark hasn't been asked by Sun yet, so Jaesun still has a chance."

"But we don't even know if Mark is into guys... Jaesun could get rejected."

"It's a risk, right? And you don't need to have feelings for someone to go to an event with them. For example, I would go to the dance with you alone."

Did that mean Ryeon didn't like her?

"But I like you," Ryeon continued, making the girl look at him.

"Y-You do?" she asked, seeing Ryeon smile and nod, then she lowered her gaze, unable to contain her emotions.

"Of course, I do. You like me too, right, Woojin?"

Lucy felt a shiver run through her body from head to toe. She couldn't tell the truth, that she liked Ryeon a lot, so much so that she wanted to become his girlfriend one day. But she also didn't know the context of the question. Ryeon could be talking about liking as "friends."

Big mistake.

Lucy had no idea what was happening around her.

But, like everything in her life, she couldn't just be herself and give a simple answer like, "Yes, Ryeon, I like you." There was a script, a pattern to follow.

And in order to keep him from knowing about her and hating her, she looked for an exit.

And it was right in front of her, stopping at the bus stop and allowing the last passenger to board.

Lucy widened her eyes and pointed, making Ryeon look as well.

They both ran, shouting and waving for the responsible driver to wait for them.

And luckily, it was a good day.

They boarded the bus panting, with laughter in their voices.

They paid with their student passes and walked to the back row.

This time, Ryeon sat by the window, immediately reaching for his phone to play music again. Lucy waited anxiously, and smiled when he just leaned one side towards her.

They listened to "Falling," and Lucy shivered as she remembered the powerful lyrics that Harry sang.

She always listened to it when her world was falling apart. Whenever negative thoughts haunted her.

She closed her eyes, navigating through the cloudy expanse of her mind filled with bad things.

She immediately felt bitter.

Why was everything so difficult for her?

She knew she wanted to cry every second that passed, it was always like this. She buried her face in the white pillows, leaving them stained with gray and blue rivers, showing the path her liquid pain had been expelled through.

Showing how the new tear marks overlapped the old ones.

Then came the chorus that touched her the most.

What if I'm someone I don't want around?

"What if I'm someone I don't want around?"

"Am I even a real person?"

She whispered softly to herself. She denied it, she knew she wasn't, but Ryeon heard her, and unknowingly, he watched her too.

He felt the pain in the subtle movements her beautiful face made, and he felt embarrassed, not knowing how to act.

"I really like you," he said, making Lucy sigh and open her teary eyes.

The girl smiled.

"You don't like me, Ryeon."

That was the only thing she said.

Because then, she stood up, asking the bus to stop, even though it wasn't her stop yet.

Ryeon followed her every move with his eyes, and through the window, he saw her go.

She walked with her head down, her stubborn hair covering part of her cheeks, and her hands gripping the backpack straps.

He wanted to go after her, but he didn't have the courage.

He didn't understand what had happened, or why he wanted to say that so badly, but he understood that his heart felt heavy, and that was solely Woojin's fault.

Lucy walked, feeling dizzy. She wanted to transcend, but only regressed. She took so many of the hidden pills, but still felt trapped inside that body she didn't like for even a second.

She watched the bus pass by, not wanting to lift her face to look at Ryeon, knowing that he would still be looking at her.

Wasn't it better this way? She was distancing herself.

Getting away from all the mistakes around Ryeon.

She sighed when her stomach growled. As soon as she got home, she had the habit of running to change clothes and finally eat.

But by her own decision, there she was, walking for twenty-five minutes under scorching sun.

She constantly pushed her sweaty hair off her forehead, but it didn't help much.

She felt relieved when she turned the corner towards home, with only five houses separating her from her bed and a delicious plate of pasta, but froze when she saw Ryeon sitting on the cement steps of the entrance.

Lucy swallowed hard, but continued walking. She couldn't turn away or go back, he was already smiling so beautifully at her.

"What happened?" Ryeon asked, still distant from her.

"I don't want to talk about it, Ryeon," she simply replied, stopping in front of him. "What are you doing here?"

"I said I would come to your house after school, remember? You agreed and everything, and said we could hang out in the backyard..."

Lucy closed her eyes for a brief moment, cursing herself for being so careless. How could she push Ryeon away like this, when she herself was giving ideas for her mind to plan a perfect time together, complete with kisses and everything?

But she snapped out of it when her brows furrowed, seeing how Ryeon was anxiously staring at her.

"You said it was only at night, right?" she asked, confused.

Ryeon smiled sheepishly as his fingers messed with the hair at the back of his neck.

"Okay, I just got worried about you... I came here to check on you. To find out why you left like that."

Lucy shrugged, not even knowing how to explain her decisions.

"Just tell me that everything is okay and then I'll go home. I'm just worried about seeing you so sad lately."

"I'm fine," she said, gripping the backpack straps tighter, still feeling Ryeon's gaze on her. "You can go home..."

Ryeon sighed, lingering a bit longer, just observing her.

"Alright," he said in the end, picking up his backpack from the ground. "Can I tell you something before I go?"

Lucy nodded, noticing how slowly Ryeon approached.

"Your hair looks really beautiful," he said, gently touching a cool, sweat-dampened strand and tucking it behind her ear, sliding his finger subtly along her cheek. "Just like you are."

Lucy instantly blushed, lowering her gaze and making Ryeon smile at her.

"See you later, Woojin," he said, freeing himself and walking ahead.

She watched him leave, walking calmly. He only looked back a few times before turning the corner of the street.

She wanted to understand how Ryeon worked, but she was certain that he was too complex.

Just like her. It was too much for her.